38 weeks.

"oh, mercy" has become my favorite phrase in these last two weeks. aching feet, aching back, aching everything. shooting pains. heartburn. painful baby movement -- he doesn't seem to be following the rule of moving less since he's bigger. he's just decided to stretch the limits of human skin. lovely. i went to the doctor today, and i'm dilated to a 2 now. (was a 1 this time last week.) i have the option of an induction in one week from today. i'll spare you the silly, pregnant lady drama i'm wallowing in regarding that decision. i'm having a garage sale tomorrow and saturday. that is just plain dumb. that's all there is to it. it's hot as hades, i'm sore when i just do regular stuff, let alone work outside and, oh, did i mention it's hot as hades? i do think the payoff, both monetary and in the fact that i'll be rid of WAY too much crap, will be beneficial to my nesting mama psyche, however. so.. i'm going for it. i guess that's about it. the ever-conflicting feelings of being SO ready and being SO not ready. if you're looking for something you've never heard from a 38-week-pregnant woman, you're not gonna get it here. sorry. though it's bound to be excruciating, i'm going to have to try to go to bed. six a.m. garage sale set up is gonna come real early.

happy 38 weeks.

on the right, 36 weeks. the left, 38 weeks, today.

garage sale price dots.

i'm gonna be green.

pink and yellow are available.

we have orange, but there are not any pre-printed prices on orange. if you can deal with that, orange is yours.

claim a color while they last.

and remember, dropping off your things is totally OK. if you don't plan to stay, be sure to let me know if you're wanting the money from them so i can mark them accordingly.

angela -- i have a's clothes set aside. let me know when you want me to bring them to you or if you want to come pick them up. if you wanna come here and look through, then you can leave the ones you don't want for the garage sale.

"capture my heart again."

if you've been keeping up, you read recently that i'm facing a bit of a challenge in my life at the moment. the prayers, offers for (and physical manifestations of) help and suggestions have been flowing freely. i am so thankful.

the answer to the problem -- and it's a big one -- as a whole remains unclear, however.

david preached yesterday about the wonders of Jesus. it was an insightful look at, though He's capable of turning that red building blue, hovering in midair and other trivial tricks, how He always has a specific purpose for His miracles. they are never to prove Himself or to satisfy my every whim and wish.

yes, He could solve my problem in an instant. but He didn't promise He would. and He certainly didn't promise to solve it in the ways with which my finite brain has been coming up.

during worship we sang a song that includes the line "capture my heart again." for some reason, every time it was time to worship in our own words, i found myself repeating, often singing, "capture my heart again." over and over and over.

i know the heavy burden my heart bears with this problem, and i've truly run out of ways to present it to the Lord. "capture my heart again" was all i could come up with yesterday.

at the end of service, david had us all down at the altar. those same four words were repeating in my head as i stood with my eyes closed and my hands raised. at one point, i opened my eyes to see ashley, one of the worship leaders, and, coincidently, one of our recently graduated seniors, leave the stage and her place at the microphone. i watched her walk down the steps, grab a tissue and press herself into the arms of her dad, randy, as she began to worship the Lord from the floor.

randy immediately laid hands on her and prayed for her while he continued to worship. it was the most natural thing in the world. a daughter with some sort of need who felt completely comfortable running to her father's arms for comfort and prayer.

the Lord said, "see that? that's what I want for you. realize that you can step down from the platform, step down from trying to figure it out on your own, straining to hear an audible answer, and settle yourself in My shadow. I have never stopped interceding and working on your behalf, my daughter. let it fall to Me. just as randy holds ashley, I also hold you. I am your Father. I am protecting you. I promise."

though my brain would like a step-by-step plan for solving this problem -- better yet, its immediate and complete eradication by way of spectacular miracle -- i realized that "capture my heart again" had been the prayer of my soul. really, i just needed to feel Him close.

oh, how He answered. oh, how He always, always answers.

work.

i just want to say, for the record, that the san angelo standard-times has been an incredible blessing to me. they are generous with work, flexible, extremely communicative and just down-right nice. i know there are lots of less-than-favorable opinions about the coverage they provide, but, from this stay-at-home-mom/freelance writer's perspective, they are greatness.

garage sale: the set up.

for those of you who need to get things over here or are wanting to help set up (bless you), i plan to work in the garage from about 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. and then about 7 p.m. to whenever i get tired on tuesday, wednesday and thursday. i did plan to do some things today, but, because of a funeral, landon has not been able to move the heavy stuff or get me any tables. i believe he plans to do that tonight.

so... feel free to come by. you can really come whenever if you just have things to drop off (yes, that is great, wendy). just call to be sure i'm not running an errand or something if you can't make the times i'll definitely be in the garage.

yea for garage sales.

a reason to smile.

landon told me yesterday, without any prompting, that he really likes what i've done to the house. he said it is very cool and homey feeling and he's impressed with how i've done it all inexpensively.

what a great compliment. i've been thinking about it all day.

what a sweet husband.

death by diapers.

i've received several packs of diapers for grayson at my two beautiful showers, but none of them have been newborn size.

last night, landon and i went to walmart while ellie was (supposed to be) sleeping at david and delana's to pick up some diapers for her. i put her in the last one before i laid her down. we decided we might as well get some for gray while we were there to be ready when he decides to show up.

we threw pampers size 5 and huggies size newborn into the cart.

that was weird in itself.

then we checked out.

and we spent more than $40 on two sizes of diapers.

potty training at 18 months, anyone?

so i got the no sleep thing down.

i've been up since about 5:45. i went to bed around 12:15. i was awake at 2:30 and 4:30.

i'm ready for a baby to come so i can have something to do with my time in the middle of the night other than stare into the darkness and endure incurable heartburn. (i do realize i may completely regret saying that in a couple weeks. don't remind me that i said it at that time. if you do, i cannot promise i won't punch you.)

i'm in dallas.

pause for scolding looks and bewildered exclaimations of, "your doctor let you travel?!"

no. my doctor did not let me travel. if she knew i was here, she'd be ticked. so i didn't tell her. hehe.

my sister-in-law, kelly, is throwing me a shower in a little more than 4 hours. she is the picture of chic and creative so i'm super pumped. maybe that's why i can't sleep.

also, we're bringing home gray's glider and lots of other little things for his nursery this afternoon on the way back. after i order the rug for his room, get the furniture situated and adorn the walls, his nursery will be complete. maybe that's why i can't sleep.

also, tonight i get to see landon for the first time in nearly a week. maybe that's why i can't sleep.

i really am looking forward to today and then getting back home to finish readying my nest for my new baby. things should be pretty laid back until he's born -- no more traveling. i do have the garage sale in a week, but that should really be pretty simple. i've purged most everything in the house that needs to go. all there's left to do is set up. a few lovely friends and some sonic happy hour drinks, and we can knock that out in an evening, right?

the dresser is painted. the bathroom is painted -- greg finished it thursday night after i'd left. i can't wait to see! a little accesorizing in there, and i'm finally gonna like my bathroom. oh, and i need to schedule an appointment with missy to clean my carpet again. nasty. nasty. nasty. i hate that stuff. i wonder how old it is. i wish i could rip it up.

anyway, i guess i just feel the life transition upon me, and i'm ready. my readiness is hindering my sleep patterns.

i watched a baby story yesterday. bad idea, by the way. but the little boy was pretty unsure about his coming sister until the first time he saw her. granted, he was a little older than ellie, but the way his eyes lit up like he knew she was his encouraged me. i pray that ellie will always know how incredibly special she is to me -- like precious, undeserved treasure, given to me by the most generous Giver. and i pray that, somehow, in her little baby mind, when she sees grayson she will understand that he is a gift as well.

back to not sleeping.

is it too early to start getting ready for the shower?!

manic.

that's what i am today. i started out feeling fresh and energetic, but became annoyed that i couldn't do more in the garage. then i got very sad. like crying and crying and crying. then i felt a pretty substantial contraction around 11. then i convinced myself i was in labor. so i was excited! i contracted until about 3:30 -- all this time with some tragic, sinus pressure, nose dripping, sneezing allergy -- when the conclusion was made that i should go into the doctor to be checked. i knew it wasn't close to time, but i felt like maybe i was going and wanted to give landon time to get here from maypearl if so. i head out to the doctor only to get a call that says she is at the hospital delivering a baby. she wants me to meet her there. i REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to avoid going to the hospital 'cause they always make you do an hour's worth of paperwork and question-answering and then insist they watch you for two hours even though they knew darn good and well when you walked in all calm that you weren't in labor. at least not ready-for-the-hospital labor. but i went anyway 'cause i thought maybe we could skip that since i was just meeting the doctor. no such luck. all the annoying crap ensued, and i pretty much cried for the entire experience out of annoyance with myself and the fact that as soon as i was naked under that dumb hospital gown with monitors beeping and nurses looking smug the contractions literally ceased. the doctor did check me, and i'm dilated to a 1, and i'm 25 percent effaced. i was never dilated until i went into labor with ellie, but i was 80 percent effaced in my last checkups. so. i have no idea what that information means regarding when the baby will come. all i know is that it's not now. the contractions have subsided, and gray has resumed his nightly boxing practice against my ribcage and pelvis all at once. my mom says -- and she's probably right -- that i'm just stressed about landon not being here and the possibility of going into labor alone, so much so that i worked myself into consistent false labor contractions. ugh. now my eyes are super sore and swollen, my sinus pressure has not been relieved and i still can't stop sneezing. and i got everyone all riled up for nothing. (i have experience with this. twice.) but i am glad that landon will not miss his son's birth. and that i still have some more time alone with ellie. and i still have some time to wait for gray's homecoming outfit that's yet to arrive. and that i can order his car seat and not have to use ellie's dirty one until his gets here. and that i have yet another chance to get my dishes done before i bring home a newborn.

see?

manic.

not better.

i can't really do much in the garage without someone to do some heavy lifting and take items that don't belong to us to different locations. so.. 45 minutes into it, the garage project is at a standstill.

and, now, all of a sudden i'm having a ridiculously emotional day.

i'm just sad.

and i don't know why.

i mean, i could come up with a list of reasons to be sad, but i have that list every day. why today?

if you are sensing some serious pregnancy hormones at work here, you're probably right.

mood swings abound.

better.

feeling fresh -- as fresh as possible -- this morning, and i'm going to work in the garage some before ellie wakes up. i figure a couple of hours before it gets too warm and then a rest before tackling some indoor tasks should be manageable. greg is supposed to come over and paint my bathroom tonight, yea! no more mint chocolate chip bathroom. i'm totally pumped. i like the color i picked (like, um, ivory), and greg has got to be the greatest painter ever. i know it's gonna look good. then i have a curtain all ready to put up, and i'll be making a trip to target to buy that cheap cabinet hardware that's $9.99 for 10 knobs to replace the white porcelain numbers that are there currently. i could probably handle the white. the fact that they have multi-colored flowers painted on them is determining my decision. is it totally ghetto to change cabinet hardware in a rent house, but save the old, ugly knobs to reinstall when moving out so i can take my $9.99 knobs with me?

here's to a productive day. please. this pregnant mom of a toddler needs the sense of accomplishment.

bad belly night.

after watching casen, attending an impromptu play date and THEN going to wal-mart, my uterus is angry with me. so is my sciatic nerve. i had some light straightening and organizing to do after ellie went to bed at 8:30, but i've yet to do it 'cause contractions are bad enough just sitting at this computer and it hurts all the way down my leg even when i don't try to walk, let alone bend.

blah blah blah blah blah. that's how i feel. blah freakin blah.

it's especially irritating 'cause i don't have landon -- i miss him so bad -- to talk to or even cable to distract me if sitting is all i can do for the rest of the night. i couldn't sleep until 1:30 or so last night because it's weird getting into bed alone so i was on the computer for hours. i don't think i can do it again tonight. no one is updating blogs anyway and, for tonight at least, the thrill of searching for baby things i can't afford has worn off.

so i'm contemplating going to bed. it's only 9:39 as i type this sentence, but... i can't come up with any other solution. landon is busy with the kids and reception is spotty at the campground so i can't even talk to him on the phone.

maybe i'll take a bath first. wonder if there are any books in this house i haven't read yet.

blah blah blah blah blah blah.

thank you for attending my pity party. the online session is officially over, though the party continues in earnest at my house where there are a million things i ought to be getting done.

blah blah blah blah blah.

a reunion.

today i'm watching casen while his mama is at a g/t training thingy for school. he's only been here an hour, but he's already watched praise baby, played with his links, rolled all over the living room, eaten applesauce, had a bottle and is now (presumably) falling asleep in grayson's crib.

just for nostalgia's sake (and to make his mama cry..hehe), here's casen the first day i watched him in the beginning of march. he wasn't even 5 weeks old yet:


and here he is this morning at nearly 6 months:



wow.

week 37.

this week, my handsome husband is at summer camp. also, david and delana are gone visiting kylah until wednesday. besides ellie, i am family-less. if you're reading this, you are fair game for two different phone calls: a.) a pathetic, "please invite me over" or b.) a frantic, "i'm in labor! can you take ellie!?!"

so. be prepared for either scenario.

the plan for this week includes organization. my must-be-done-before-gray-comes projects are getting done slowly, but surely. now i just want to organize my stuff so it's easy to put away and keep neat so that at any moment i could leave for the hospital and not be fretting about how gray's first glimpse of home will be, well, the truth.

the largest organization of the week involves working on the garage sale. do remember that the garage sale is scheduled for august 1 and 2 -- bring all you have to sell. if you plan to participate, comment (again..) on this post so i know who to expect. i think i lost track. there is plenty of room and there are plenty of colors in the rainbow for you to have your own shade of price tags. i think i'll start on some sorting this evening once ellie is in bed and it's dark out.

so. there you have it. my insanely exciting 37th week of pregnancy in a nutshell. because i can hardly do anything strenuous for 2 seconds without setting off contractions, i'll be doing quite a bit of my organizing sitting down.

i'll let you know how it's going.

(someone somewhere must give out prizes for the most boring posts in history. hello! i could use a prize right about now.)

gray's shower

just a week and a day late... i loved this shower. it was so cute, and so many sweet people came and gave sweet gifts to sweet gray. some things just mean so much. this was one of those things.

sigh.

sunday morning at safa.

for any of you out there who need some extra motivation to get up and attend church tomorrow morning, here's your reason:

landon's preaching!

i'm currently folding his outlines for a stellar-looking sermon called "jonah" -- the reason i'm not at the girls' night. i wanted to go, but helping my hubby is a good thing too.

so. yeah. wake up tomorrow and come to church.

it'll be good.

surrounded by strength.

i've been feeling sorry for myself the past few days. a situation was revealed to me this week that has burst my bubble, thrown me a curve ball and, well, completely rocked my world.

ellie and i were invited to a play date this morning that, frankly, i didn't plan to attend as i've been in sort of a funk. i didn't figure i'd be good company for anyone. at the last minute, however, i decided we would go.

boy, am i glad we did.

just sitting around with other moms who are contemplating their various challenging life situations with beautiful smiles, sweet spirits and a wonderful sense of humor was so uplifting to me. any one of their situations, all ultimately related to provision, as mine is, could be cause for moping, whining, anger and hopelessness.

are they caving?

no, no and heck no.

they are actively searching for ways to improve things, all while relying on God to do His part in mightily and powerfully conducting the universe.

toward the end of our time at the play date i had, um, a bit of an emotional outburst relating to my situation. it was ill-timed and not at all graceful, but they immediately turned their attention on me to offer sympathy and suggestions.

as i was driving home, i was hit with the realization that inspired the title of this post.

i am surrounded by strength.

the three women sitting on lawn chairs in the backyard this morning spurred my epiphany, but, as i thought about it, the list of individuals i know who are fighting through each day in the face of uncertainty, discomfort and seemingly-dire circumstances with hope and faith in God, not to mention, pleasantly pleasing attitudes, seemed to never end.

i'm talking about people who are neck-deep in the toughest storms of life, gasping for air and grasping for shards of the wrecked ship to keep them afloat.

i was convicted and inspired all at once.

on wednesday, lennon preached in youth. in a sermon that was so relevant it physically enveloped me into itself, he told the story of paul, when he was a prisoner, weathering a storm aboard a ship steered by his captors. simply put, paul tries to warn these men that if they do not listen, they will surely pay serious consequences. of course, they do not listen, and everything with which and for which they were sailing is lost.

God does, however, spare every single one of their lives -- giving them another day to live and another chance to realize the plans He has for them.

during his speech, when the desperate sailors are finally ready to listen, paul says this, (acts 27:23-24) "last night an angel of the God whose i am and whom i serve stood beside me and said, 'do not be afraid, paul. you must stand trial before caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you."

out of these verses, lennon pulled a particular phrase that has been ringing in the back of my head ever since:

"...the God whose i am and whom i serve..."

even in the face of a great storm, all the while a prisoner of the men who were, in effect, crashing the ship by refusing to listen, paul remembered that he served God and he belonged to God.

those two facts alone were enough to build and keep within him the strength that i've seen in so many around me in recent months; strength to realize that all begins and ends with God, and that all will be resolved in His time, for His glory.

i don't have a fancy, poignant ending planned for this post, just as i don't have any fancy or poignant answers to this mammoth of a problem that stares at me as i type.

but, while i am still struggling to wrap my head and hands around the situation we now find ourselves in, i know that things will turn out alright.

i know the God whose i am and whom i serve, and He's sent me countless examples - testimonies - of how He never fails to show up in our times of trouble.

to that, i can only utter a simple, "hallelujah" as thanksgiving fills my heart.

36 weeks.

so i don't really know what to think about this comparison. this picture to the left is before i was 34 weeks -- more than two weeks ago -- and i don't feel like i look any bigger in the picture to the right, which is today at 36 weeks. i did lose two pounds according to the scale at my appointment today. but it sure doesn't feel like the baby is shrinking...

gray's room: part 2 - the crib.

the illustrated story:

the crib that david and delana so graciously bought for their first grandson arrived yesterday afternoon. i was first promised that it would be put together before church. no dice. then i was promised it would be put together right after church. by about 10:45 p.m., assembly had commenced. due to the inherent trickiness of putting together cribs of all types, and the fact that ours was especially tricky, the task was completed by approximately midnight. but finally, grayson reed, i've seen where you'll sleep.

serious contemplation of the directions. we had a bit of a time getting this thing together because the directions just happened to LEAVE OUT AN ENTIRE STEP of the assembly. the parts were included in the package but not pictured in the directions, and there was no mention of the step. so strange. luckily, we eventually figured it out.

"putting a crib together makes me want to scream!"

"yo, you people are nuts. just give him some pillows and let him sleep on the floor by me."

serious, focused construction.

it's done!

sweet crib buddies.

i am so, so pleased.

gray's homecoming.

i have been searching and searching for something for grayson to wear home from the hospital. the place where i bought ellie's outfit had some cute things, but nothing was knocking me over as perfect for my little man. the saleswoman at that store told me before ellie was born to buy preemie sizes for homecoming outfits because they're almost always the best fit for the 2-day old newborn, all the way up to 9 pounds or so. and because we're believing in faith that gray won't be more than 9 pounds, i've been searching for preemie. if you have ever participated in such a search, you already know that "preemie" and "cool" are sort of hard to find at once in one tiny article of clothing. i could just bring him home in a little white onesie and a cute blanket, but that isn't as fun. after countless hours of fruitless searching (read: time wasting), i had been contemplating a resignation of the search for the perfect size; i could just bring him home in something adorable that's a little baggy. i decided to look once more this morning, and, via my favorite site for wasting money on kid's stuff, i found this perfect thing. not only is it adorable, it's on sale! these wraps are made just for newborns in size "5 to 9 pounds." i debated back and forth, given the child will be born in august in texas, but i just couldn't resist this accessory to go along with his outfit. no, it was not on sale. yes, it was just 5 cents less than the outfit itself. but he'll only come home from the hospital once. besides, he may truly need it indoors where the a/c blows cold -- especially at our house.

so, there you have it. the great homecoming outfit search is over.

now, grayson reed, you can make your appearance.

as soon as the package gets here from canada, i mean.

boo to those of you who are rolling your eyes and cannot be sympathetic to just how important a coming-home-from-the-hospital-outfit is to a woman who is 8 months pregnant in the middle of summer. we will cling to anything that makes it seems like it's almost time. and i do mean anything.

a reminder..

..to those of you (ahem, crystal, ahem, delana) who have pictures from my super fabulous shower to email them to me. this is the only one i've got that isn't blurry. many thanks.

master bedroom rearrangement/remodel, part I.

we finally attached our super awesome headboard that david and delana got us for easter to the bed frame, and i was inspired to move it to the corner. i have what seems to be a cool idea in my head for something to put over a bed in the corner so i'm gonna try it. it isn't the best use of space, but it's more interesting. the headboard, which i don't think i've pictured previously on this blog, is this amazing ivory leather. i LOVE it. from pier 1, of course. also from pier 1, we have a new chair. landon said it's a good devotional chair. i think it's a good blogging chair as well as a good nursing chair. it looks perfect in the corner. there's also the great brown shag rug from j.c. penny that we've had for a couple months, but i don't think i've mentioned. in addition to my idea for over the bed, we have a repainted dresser, a mirror i'm still searching for, some wall art i'm still searching for and, if we're lucky, a baby cradle on the horizon. oh, and i think i have a curtain that will look nice on the window behind the chair. eight months after arriving in this house, i believe we're finally achieving the sanctuary of a master bedroom i've been wanting.

next up: the master bathroom: eliminating the i'm-floating-in-a-tub-of-mint-chocolate-chip-ice-cream look.

(i have no idea why there are all the weird flash spots in these pictures. lo siento.)

everything we've got so far.

the pillows and the pretty headboard.

the view from the door.

the chair corner -- comfy!

a close-up of the chair. love it.

afternoon update.

i called the doctor this morning after my contractions didn't stop by about 11. the main thing that is weird is the continued cramping. they told me to lay down for two hours, drink water and take two tylenol. while i'm even still having the cramping, the contractions did slow down after resting. i called back after two hours, and they decided they wanted to check me anyway because of the cramping and because it's about to be the weekend.

no dilation. no shortening. no thinning. the baby's heart beat was 153, and my belly has grown 2 centimeters since last week.

the cramping continues, but no baby for now. there's no bleeding or fluid or anything so, nothing to worry about.

all is well.

contraction update.

for the record, the bath helped beautifully in getting me to go to sleep. once i finally slept, i slept so strangely comfortable last night that it's just weird. besides the fact that i kept waking up with contractions, my bed felt heavenly. i haven't been comfortable in it for six weeks at least, so that's saying something.

but yeah. contractions continued through the night. starting low, almost in my butt (sorry for the graphic explanation) and continuing up. they don't last real long, aren't regular and aren't coming any more than every 10 minutes, at the most. but they are not my average braxton hicks. they continue this morning.

still, this doesn't mean anything definitive. most likely, i overexerted myself painting yesterday, and now i'm hearing about it.

that has to be it.

another late one.

ah yes. here i am again. after painting the heck out of gray's room -- something i was sure would wear me out -- i'm still not able to sleep. i'm fixin to try the old bath trick here in a minute.

i've been having contractions for about an hour and a half -- they feel more intense and all-encompassing than normal. i also have some slight cramping that feels like period pain in the back and the front. i'm not saying anything.. this is just how labor started with ellie. of course, i didn't have her for another 36 hours after this process began.

anyway. we'll see. i just wanted to document how i feel. i'm sure it's nothing. thirty-five weeks is really early.

besides, all he has is a shelf, and there is nothing in a bag packed for any hospital.

gray's room: part I, section b.

here's one more picture. these are the super awesome wall decals that match the "circles" bedding i'm, ahem, hoping to get on saturday. do you think the wall color blends well? i stuck them on just now without so much as a worry 'cause they're removable over and over. very good for indecisive mommies, and a blessing for daddies who had to hand-paint (lots of) circles on the first baby's nursery wall. there are 24 stickers in all. i'm not quite sure where they'll go when the room is complete; i just wanted you to see the whole color scheme. te gustan?

gray's room: part I.

it's painted. lovely angela is gonna help me touch up the ceiling where the tape i put up was basically worthless. i hate blue painting tape. but other than that, the paint is ready. i think my flash makes the blue just the tiniest brighter than it really is, but you get the idea. also this is the shelf from pier 1 and the few things gray already has to go on it. the cans on top are a stolen idea from jenny -- formula cans covered in scrapbook paper. so cute. thanks to crystal for saving me formula cans. the clock was 66 percent off from hobby lobby -- $5. the red star pails are from the target $1-spot. i already had the blocks and the giraffe and the picture is his sweet sonogram profile. a pretty cute start, i think. i need to paint the baseboards as well. i'll probably do that tomorrow. landon is going to paint some wall shelves my granddaddy made for us when we were kids and a side table that i found in my mom's garage this really cool red color. then i'm just waiting on my glider and crib to arrive with my dad and the j.c. penny delivery truck, respectively. i'll keep you posted with pictures. i'm pretty pleased with what we've got so far.

i'm excited to meet you, my baby gray.

new baby wreath.

this is the wreath my mom made for grayson. it's going to hang on our door at the hospital announcing his birth and then on the door of his room until he goes to kindergarten, as far as i'm concerned. i love it! it has a cute little stuffed mouse, a baby spoon, a train pacifier keeper and a super cute teether. it's decoration and a great baby gift rolled into one. i told mom she should start selling them. let me know if you're interested. i'm sure she'd love to make more.

cherries and paint i'm praying isn't too gray -- as in the color. not my son.

i just painted the first coat of blue, yes blue, paint in grayson's room. i was totally balking blue because it's the obvious choice for a boy, and i hate to be obvious. but after going between a millions greens and a light brown latte color, kylah has talked me into blue. there are several extremely boring variables involved here, but either kylah's pitch was really, really good or i'm really, really tired of vacillating 'cause it's blue. the goal was for a darker (but not dark) blue than the light blue dot in his circle bedding. it's definitely darker. while it's drying, i'm hoping the slate gray look is disappearing. it isn't exactly what i was picturing. we'll see. no matter what, i'm going to get all his furniture in there before i change it again. i'm not up to repainting the whole thing unless it's truly hideous, as is the case in my master bathroom. that's my next project.

in other gray's-room news, we bought a bookshelf. yea! delana and i found it at pier 1 yesterday on clearance. i'll wait for pictures, but it was an unlikely choice at first. after much debate, however, and a lengthy explanation to kylah, it was confirmed that the shelf will be way cool. i really cannot wait to have the whole thing put together and ready for my new baby boy.

oh, and i'm eating cherries. they have 'em at wal-mart, and they're way good. get some. these and an ipod make painting downright pleasant.

update: landon just came in from church. he went to look at the room and was totally impressed. "oh, i really like that. i really, really like this color. this color is making me happy." not happier than it's making me. my typically unaffected-by-decor husband showing some enthusiasm means i did good. :)

further frazzled.

i just turned down an assignment that i'd have to write and report today. i would've taken it if i'd had a few days to work on it. but the facts that i didn't sleep until 3:30 a.m. and that i'm having trouble walking comfortably at all today prompted me to turn it down. it's a little silly because one of the reasons i'm so pleased with this freelancing gig is the freedom, freedom to turn down a story when i'm 8 months pregnant and not feeling well, a story i'd have to do if i was an actual employee of the newspaper because employers don't typically care if you haven't slept and your girl parts hurt 'cause a baby is trying to get out. but i don't feel particularly good about having turned that story down. it wasn't a hard story. i probably could've done it if i'd put my mind to it. and heaven knows we could've used the money.

so what stinkin good does a flexible stay-at-home-mom/freelancing career do if i just feel bad for turning down maybe the third story i've turned down in seven months?

annoying.

the before-gray's-born to-do list.

don't worry, i'm not going to post it on here. you'd be scrolling for days, believe me.

but i was just having a conversation with landon on gmail chat, and i gave him this explanation for the dreaded before-the-baby-is-born to-do list. he was asking why i thought there was so much that needed to be done as i was lamenting about the list.

"it comes with the pregnancy territory. in reality, there's always so much to be done. but with a baby coming, there's a a deadline of sorts. there's something in a pregnant woman that wants everything she can think of to be done by the time the baby comes so that nothing hinders his occupation of her every attention; so he doesn't enter the world only to immediately find out that his mama is incapable of completing a to-do list. a fact that would obviously be obvious to him, given all of the undone things that have been on the to-do list since two months before he was born."

irrational, i know, because, as we all know, there is no such thing as a completed to-do list. you can cross things off, but new ones just keep appearing at the bottom of the dang thing. that and, in all honesty, the baby probably doesn't know what all you were planning to get done but didn't before he came. but it is true. there is a part of pregnant woman who believes that things will go more smoothly, the baby will be happier, she'll be happier, everyone will be happier if the to-do list is done. in reality, she knows better. but pregnant woman aren't known for their keen sense of reality in most cases.

especially ones who are constantly being kicked in the cervix while also being kicked in the ribcage.

...and are not sleeping.

...and are not busily readying the nursery, 0ver which they are now obsessing, in any form or fashion because it hurts to walk around that much.

...and are not completing the long to-do list.

but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

OK..not quite to bed.

i've been reading all the posts from this blog in the weeks leading up to ellie's birth.

i just finished with this one.

i'm crying.

i can't believe i'm gonna do it again!

OK. bed for real now.

i think.

thoughts from a pregnant insomniac.

start time: 1:16 a.m.

• picking paint for gray's room is 1,100 times harder than it was for ellie's. why?
• i just discovered i can text message my email from my phone. super cool for when i have ideas i want to explore online, but always forget before i can get back to the computer. i can text myself from my phone!
• not many people update their blogs between the hours of 11 p.m. and 1:30 a.m.
• why can't i be motivated to do laundry or clean the house or something else productive when i can't sleep?
• instead, cool mom picks is apparently a way better use of my time. i could read all night and never run out of material.
• speaking of, kylah bought me this super cool baby book for grayson that i just happened to find out was reviewed on cmp in march. i can't wait to use it.
• i'm going to make one of these. cause i can do it for way less than $30 plus shipping. unfortunately, it won't include those super cute clips. dang. i think i've actually seen the clips at target, however. not the one in san angelo of course. that would be too cool of them.
  
• i can't make this. i want one for ellie really bad.
• i just read the phrase, "heed the genius." i want to use that sometime.
• gray's trying to bust out.
• guess i'll go try the bed again..

end time: 1:49 a.m.

prayers, please.

i just found out my most favorite college professor has a daughter, louise, who is in the hospital receiving treatment for leukemia. i'm not sure exactly how old she is, but she's either in middle school or early high school. would ya'll pray for her? her caring bridge site relays that she is doing well, but i know she can use all the intercession she can get.

thanks.

home for a few.

(warning: much rambling ahead.)

we made it back from our latest road trip safe and sound yesterday at about 5:30. we went straight to david and delana's -- they hadn't seen ellie in 10 days. oh, the reunion. we had pizza and played cards and it was nice to do it on couches in san angelo. we had a good time in arkansas (it's really lovely there), ellie had a great time in granbury for the 4th and i love being with my family. the old routine and your own stuff is nice though.

i'm typing from my back patio right now, which is wonderfully pleasant with a slight breeze and cloud cover that's keeping it from being hot just yet.

coming home is especially nice when your dog sitter has done your laundry and your dishes AGAIN, watered your plants so they're all still beautifully alive and taken such good care of your dog that he's clean and happy and tick free. (yeah.. doc had a bit of a run in with ticks while we were gone. yuck.) missy is heaven-sent, no doubt. also, i asked her to do this, but she borrowed her mom's steam cleaner and cleaned the carpet in our tiny master bath. she did a great job. i don't know what we'll do when she goes to college!

so lots of quality time spent with my mom and sister. lots of quality shopping done, as usual. my sister doubled gray's wardrobe again. i'm gonna try to hold out until the shower on saturday to see if i get any more baby hangers, but the ones i do have were all in use before we went to dallas. the girl also bought him TONS of baby food and two packs of diapers in different sizes. such a spoiled baby boy, that gray. and, of course, there are never presents for gray without presents for ellie. laura got her tons of stuff too. mom bought gray two amazingly cute outfits as well as made THE coolest wreath for him. i'm going to dedicate a post to that wreath in a little bit. it rocks. my mom is so talented. she also got ellie a new baby doll for practicing how to be nice to the new baby and me a cute new shirt from kohl's. then there were a few things i got at the resale shop and on big sale at gymboree or the children's place or baby gap. my children most certainly will never be naked.

i am SO excited for the shower saturday. i think it'll be way cool to have some things to help prepare gray's room but mostly it'll be great to sit with friends and imagine this baby boy who'll be here before we know it. i've been having shooting pains when he gets real, real active -- like he's gonna break out my cervix (gross, sorry) -- and the same aching pelvis i've had in varying degrees since i got pregnant. but he's in there, and i doubt he's gonna grace us with his presence too early. how five weeks can feel so long and so short at the same time is just the best irony of pregnancy i can come up with right now. his room is coming together slowly but surely -- still at a standstill on the bookshelf plan. it's at that point where i can picture most of it, but it's not quite time for everything to be in place. there's still refinishing and painting to be done, orders to come in (delana ordered his crib!), showers to be had, etc. etc. i know it'll be great. i can't wait to have two too-cute completed kids' rooms.

anyway, we're home for a bit now. the shower is this weekend and next weekend my dad and travis are coming to visit. yea! i'm looking forward to that. they're bringing down my craigslist glider (which i'm very happy with, by the way) and some other furniture we're going to repurpose for gray's room. we'll pretty much be hanging out, showing them the off-the-charts-exciting town of san angelo. the next week is summer camp, and i'm not sure whether i'll be stopping by for a visit in maypearl or not. we'll see how i feel at that time. july 26 is another baby shower for gray in dallas at kelly's parents' house. also super pumped for that one. then the garage sale aug. 1 and the REAL countdown to d-day begins.

yeah. so. there ya have it. i'm going to be doing fewer stories this month and, obviously, next while just trying to rest and spend time with ellie. your prayers for God's provision in our lives would be so appreciated. i know He won't let us down. He never has.

resting does not, however, mean no socializing! let's get together, friends. i am infinitely thankful for all of you and am often humbled at the number of people i know i could call if i needed anything.

look for a post on that wreath and one very special birthday in a little while....

quick update.

went to the doctor. 34 weeks and my belly measures 34 centimeters. it's grown 3 centimeters from last time. baby's heart beat sounded, "great." i gained no weight.

i waited in the waiting room for 1 hour and 9 minutes to learn all of that vital information.

annoyed.

we're leaving for dallas in a few minutes. we'll be in arkansas for a wedding on friday and saturday. ellie is staying with gramie sue and will be spending the 4th at gg's house. we should be back late sunday or early monday.

(have i mentioned lately how much i love being a stay-at-home mom with a flexible freelancing career that lets me go anywhere at any time? i love it. so much so much so much.)

i wish i could somehow teleport to these places we're going. driving does not sound appealing to me at all.

it could be that landon thinks driving an hour out of the way (read: WEST!!!) to big spring for taco villa is SOOOO worth it.

i can't think of anything less worth it.

happy 4th to one and all.

not even 34 weeks.

while rubbing my belly a second ago, landon was exclaiming how it seems a lot bigger all of a sudden. when i stopped to look, it seemed pretty danged big to me too. so i decided to take a picture to compare to my 32-week picture. i'm really only 33 weeks and 5 days today. i'll be 34 weeks thursday. today's almost over so i'm figuring this is just a day early.

i know the shot's a little scary. just focus on the cuteness.

we tried to get ellie to say "gray" or "grayson." she doesn't do "gr" as some of us, ahem, delana, already know. the "br" in "brother" was a no-go as well. then landon said, "say bubba," and she did. clear as a bell. she points to my belly and says. "baby," but i kinda think she thinks all bellies are babies. she's started looking down her shirt, pointing to her belly and saying, "baby."

oh, well. it's still cute.

why it rocks to have friends with great cameras and great photo-taking skills.

from crystal from the play date.

dang it!

i just remembered i bought these super cute popsicles to hand out this afternoon. they're called "soda pops" and they're like freezer pops, but in the flavors of a&w root beer, 7-up, orange crush and dr. pepper.

dang it!

come back, people!

come back or i'll eat them all...

much fun.

the play date was a success! seven mommies and 11 kids makes for a quick two and a half hours. seriously. it seemed like as soon as everyone got here it was time to go! i guess that means it was fun. lots of splashing and throwing sticks for the dog and sliding and capri suns and bubble machines and playing house and snacks. i'm so glad we did it! under my covered porch with the fans on it wasn't all that hot either. perfect, perfect, perfect. also, ellie took a bath and is totally crashed out. i bet she's gone for awhile. we'll definitely have to have one again soon. sorry i had dirty dishes in my sink... i just could not work up the motivation to empty and then reload the dishwasher. i know you'll all forgive me.

my only regret: i wish i had pictures!

i'm detecting a pattern.

one night: can't sleep.

next night: exhausted from last night's no sleep.

next next night: can't sleep again.

blah. if you're coming for the play date, and i'm looking like a zombie, you'll know why.