that's what i am today. i started out feeling fresh and energetic, but became annoyed that i couldn't do more in the garage. then i got very sad. like crying and crying and crying. then i felt a pretty substantial contraction around 11. then i convinced myself i was in labor. so i was excited! i contracted until about 3:30 -- all this time with some tragic, sinus pressure, nose dripping, sneezing allergy -- when the conclusion was made that i should go into the doctor to be checked. i knew it wasn't close to time, but i felt like maybe i was going and wanted to give landon time to get here from maypearl if so. i head out to the doctor only to get a call that says she is at the hospital delivering a baby. she wants me to meet her there. i REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to avoid going to the hospital 'cause they always make you do an hour's worth of paperwork and question-answering and then insist they watch you for two hours even though they knew darn good and well when you walked in all calm that you weren't in labor. at least not ready-for-the-hospital labor. but i went anyway 'cause i thought maybe we could skip that since i was just meeting the doctor. no such luck. all the annoying crap ensued, and i pretty much cried for the entire experience out of annoyance with myself and the fact that as soon as i was naked under that dumb hospital gown with monitors beeping and nurses looking smug the contractions literally ceased. the doctor did check me, and i'm dilated to a 1, and i'm 25 percent effaced. i was never dilated until i went into labor with ellie, but i was 80 percent effaced in my last checkups. so. i have no idea what that information means regarding when the baby will come. all i know is that it's not now. the contractions have subsided, and gray has resumed his nightly boxing practice against my ribcage and pelvis all at once. my mom says -- and she's probably right -- that i'm just stressed about landon not being here and the possibility of going into labor alone, so much so that i worked myself into consistent false labor contractions. ugh. now my eyes are super sore and swollen, my sinus pressure has not been relieved and i still can't stop sneezing. and i got everyone all riled up for nothing. (i have experience with this. twice.) but i am glad that landon will not miss his son's birth. and that i still have some more time alone with ellie. and i still have some time to wait for gray's homecoming outfit that's yet to arrive. and that i can order his car seat and not have to use ellie's dirty one until his gets here. and that i have yet another chance to get my dishes done before i bring home a newborn.