Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Saturday, February 03, 2007

false alarm numero dos.

so, if you haven't heard, i went to the hospital last night.

i had small contractions, which i've been having for weeks, starting around 4:15. they seemed to be coming pretty regularly as i was sitting on the couch so i decided to get up and walk around a little. they didn't stop. so i took a long shower, probably 20 minutes. they didn't stop. they were actually getting pretty noticeable. so starting about 5:40, i decided to start timing them. for the next hour, they came every five minutes. when they come for an hour for five minutes, i'm supposed to call my doctor. well, they're also supposed to be lasting for at least a minute, so at 6:40 i started timing the duration. they lasted between 1:05 and 1:20 and came every five minutes for another hour. so, i decided i'd call the doctor. dr. white (not my normal doctor) was on call last night, and she said to go to the hospital to get hooked up and checked. so we went.

we packed a bag. we called the relatives. we thought we were having a baby.

but just in case, i told the henrys not to come until we were in the hopsital and we heard, "you're having this baby tonight."

it's a good thing. 'cause i got there, and i wasn't dilated at all. i laid there for an hour or so and the contractions completely quit. iffy, the nurse, checked me again, and, not surprising, i still wasn't dilated.

they sent me home.

as soon as i wasn't dilated with the first check, i knew we weren't gonna get to stay. even if the contractions continued, we had too far to go from a closed cervix to birthing a baby to stay in the hospital. as soon as i wasn't dilated, i started to cry.

and i cried pretty much for the next hour i was sitting in that bed.

i felt emotionally let down. i felt guilty for getting so many people's hopes up. i felt tired from three hours of contractions. i felt silly that landon had been so excited and sweet getting us ready for the hopsital. and then nothing.

i'm telling you -- landon was adorable. as soon as the doctor told us to go to the hospital, he was running around helping me get a bag together, straightening up the house ("because i know you don't want to have visitors in a messy house") and getting really excited that we might be meeting ellie tonight.

we were walking across the apartment parking lot to the car when i started getting a contraction. i had to stop walking, and he was to the car, wondering where i was before he noticed i'd stopped. i started laughing, and told him, "babe, you can't leave without me..." he was so excited.

so i'm crying and crying in the hospital bed, and he's just kissing me and wiping my tears, telling me, "you only did what the doctor told you. it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. all that matters is what's best for you and ellie. and coming up here to get checked was the best thing. you're doing such a great job."


and you think that's good?

once we finally got to leave-- oh, walking out of labor and delivery still pregnant when you thought you were in labor when you came in is pretty humiliating. all the nurses smile this, "uh huh, we could've told you that you weren't in labor when you walked in here" smile, and say, "we'll see you again soon!" punks.

once we finally got to leave, we went to eat at whataburger. we were starved since we were contracting through dinnertime. before we walked in, we were in the car, and landon leans over to me, puts his hand on my belly and says, "i'm gonna miss your body when you're not pregnant. it's so beautiful and amazing that you're carrying my child. i'm gonna miss it. i'm gonna miss your pregnant waddle."

of course, through my tears, i was saying, "really? don't worry baby, in a few years i'll be pregnant again with another one of your babies. maybe your son. is that OK?"

"yeah! let's do it!"

what a perfect man.

i'm feeling like a jerk because i just got half the world thinking we were having a baby, and he says he's gonna miss when i'm pregnant. is there a more perfect way to make me almost glad that it wasn't time yet? amazing.

so... no more contractions. she's in there for awhile yet. the nurse said yesterday's contractions were probably because i've been overexerting myself at work and running errands and all. she said i need to rest more. it's hard to rest when there's still so much to do to make everything perfect for my baby daughter.

i feel like she's even lower today -- probably due to three hours of contractions yesterday -- so it won't be too long. only a week and a half until the due date. no more than two and a half weeks until we'll see her for sure.

i can't even believe it.

next time, i'm not going to the hospital until i can't walk.

next time, it'll be for real.

i promise.

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