if you've been keeping up, you read recently that i'm facing a bit of a challenge in my life at the moment. the prayers, offers for (and physical manifestations of) help and suggestions have been flowing freely. i am so thankful.
the answer to the problem -- and it's a big one -- as a whole remains unclear, however.
david preached yesterday about the wonders of Jesus. it was an insightful look at, though He's capable of turning that red building blue, hovering in midair and other trivial tricks, how He always has a specific purpose for His miracles. they are never to prove Himself or to satisfy my every whim and wish.
yes, He could solve my problem in an instant. but He didn't promise He would. and He certainly didn't promise to solve it in the ways with which my finite brain has been coming up.
during worship we sang a song that includes the line "capture my heart again." for some reason, every time it was time to worship in our own words, i found myself repeating, often singing, "capture my heart again." over and over and over.
i know the heavy burden my heart bears with this problem, and i've truly run out of ways to present it to the Lord. "capture my heart again" was all i could come up with yesterday.
at the end of service, david had us all down at the altar. those same four words were repeating in my head as i stood with my eyes closed and my hands raised. at one point, i opened my eyes to see ashley, one of the worship leaders, and, coincidently, one of our recently graduated seniors, leave the stage and her place at the microphone. i watched her walk down the steps, grab a tissue and press herself into the arms of her dad, randy, as she began to worship the Lord from the floor.
randy immediately laid hands on her and prayed for her while he continued to worship. it was the most natural thing in the world. a daughter with some sort of need who felt completely comfortable running to her father's arms for comfort and prayer.
the Lord said, "see that? that's what I want for you. realize that you can step down from the platform, step down from trying to figure it out on your own, straining to hear an audible answer, and settle yourself in My shadow. I have never stopped interceding and working on your behalf, my daughter. let it fall to Me. just as randy holds ashley, I also hold you. I am your Father. I am protecting you. I promise."
though my brain would like a step-by-step plan for solving this problem -- better yet, its immediate and complete eradication by way of spectacular miracle -- i realized that "capture my heart again" had been the prayer of my soul. really, i just needed to feel Him close.
oh, how He answered. oh, how He always, always answers.