lylah ruth: she's here!

I'll start from the beginning.

Thursday, June 23, evening: Four days before my due date, Landon and I decided to go out on a date. I'd gone to the doctor that morning, was dilated to a 2 and 50 percent effaced for the second week in a row. The doctor commented that the baby was big and guessed she was at least 8.5 pounds. After much deliberation, I decided I would not schedule an induction and was very at peace with the decision once I finally made it. Landon and I went to eat at McAllister's and to a movie after that. The movie theater is across the shopping center from the restaurant so Landon suggested we walk. Walking sounded good. After the movie, we decided to go to HEB. I'd been needing to stock up on groceries for when the baby decided to make her appearance, and doing so with Landon's help sounded perfect. We walked around HEB for around an hour and came home about 11. We paid the babysitter and were both fairly awake so we stayed up talking for quite awhile. We just had our sprinkler system fixed and it was the first evening it was set to run. We stood out in the front yard for a long time, enjoying the night air, watching the sprinklers and chatting. We finally went to bed around 2 a.m.

Friday, June 24, 8 a.m: I slept great, and woke up to a sort of dripping feeling that I hadn't felt before. I wasn't sure at first, but after a couple of clothing changes, I determined that my water had broken sometime in the night. I started moving around for the day, and larger gushes of water started coming when I changed positions. I was having very, very mild contractions every 15 minutes or so. I texted Evelyn and Pam, my doulas, to tell them that I thought my water had broken. I told them it was clear, that I was having super spaced out contractions, and that I didn't want to go to the hospital yet. They confirmed that it was OK to wait a little while, but to keep a close eye on it. My sister-in-law, Kylah, and I had already planned to take the kids to the pool for the morning, and they were so excited so I continued with the plan. (I didn't tell that part to the doulas!) We took lunch, and I stayed on the side while the rest of the crew splashed about in the water.

around 1 p.m.: I decided to call the doctor's office to let them know my water had broken. My contractions weren't getting closer together, and I knew I couldn't go a real long time with broken water without giving birth. As expected, they asked me to go to labor and delivery. So we packed up the pool party and headed home. I got the kids down for a nap, got our friend Krislenn settled to watch the kids, and took a shower. Contractions remained 12-15 minutes apart but started getting a bit stronger. As I was getting dressed after my shower, I cried thinking about how Lylah would soon be on the outside of me instead of inside. I had been longing for this day, but it was still bittersweet. We headed to the hospital.

headed to the hospital: 39 weeks, 4 days

around 3:30 p.m.: We arrived at labor and delivery, and I was taken into the evaluation room. They hooked me up to the monitors, asked me the usual questions, and did a test to be sure it was amniotic fluid that I was leaking. I was still dilated to a 2, 80 percent effaced and my cervix was posterior (still facing the back). My doulas arrived, and we talked happily until the results returned. It was definitely amniotic fluid. Contractions were still spaced out and fairly mild. By this time, it was obvious that my regular o.b. would not be delivering me since it was Friday afternoon, and she was not on call. I was slightly disappointed, but OK with Dr. Sutliff. All they do is come in and catch the baby anyway, right? We moved to a labor and delivery room.

around 4:30 p.m.: Instead of getting closer together, my contractions started getting further apart. While I was in the bathroom, one of the nurses spoke to Evelyn about how the doctor was not happy with my contractions slowing since my water had been broken for at least eight and a half hours at this point. The nurse knew I wanted my birth to be unmedicated and natural, but asked Evelyn if she thought I'd be willing to accept the very lowest drip of pitocin to try to speed up contractions. I was very impressed that she'd asked my opinion, and I understood that the risk of infection to the baby and I was increasing the longer my water was broken. I decided to accept the pitocin.


4:30 p.m. to around 7:30 p.m.: The pitocin worked. It sped up my contractions, and I was definitely on my way to giving birth. At first, my doulas and Landon sat across the room from me, talking and laughing until I would have a contraction. As soon as they saw me close my eyes and start to breathe, they would quiet. As contractions intensified, I started to hum through them. I focused on relaxing my muscles as much as possible and listened to the scripture lullabies Landon set up to play on my laptop. At one point, the doulas offered to help me through contractions by pushing on both my hips and a pressure point in my back. It helped. In between contractions, I tried to relax as much as possible, to get as close to sleep as possible. I can remember several times, opening my eyes after contractions to see Landon watching me. His hands were up around his face, and I could tell he was praying for me. One particularly vivid memory I have is opening my eyes after a difficult contraction to meet his, like his face was the only thing in the room. He nodded silent encouragement. It helped a lot.


around 8 p.m.: Things were starting to hurt. I asked to get checked because I was starting to feel pressure. They hadn't checked me since I arrived because they try to avoid it once your water is broken. I was a 6. I started to lose focus and after a couple more contractions asked to be checked again because the pressure was increasing. The nurse checked me again. She said I was a 7. At this point, I was in serious pain and lost hope that I could do it without medication. The pressure was overwhelming, and I literally started screaming for an epidural. The nurses said OK and ushered my visitors out of the room to wait on the anesthesiologist. I shouted for her to hurry, asked where she was, and cried out to Jesus over and over. I was literally writhing in pain and Evelyn had to hold me on the bed. Looking back, I know I was in transition and was ready to push before anyone -- me included -- realized it.


8:10 p.m.: The anesthesiologist arrived, and I was still writhing in pain. With each contraction I was hit with an overwhelming, unbelievable urge to push. The nurse tried to tell me I had to sit up and back on the bed -- sit still -- in order to get the epidural. I leaned over on her and was basically climbing her. Finally, I threw myself back diagonally on the bed and said, "She's coming oooouuut!" as I gave into the urge. I could hear the nurses start scurrying as they told each other, "OK! The head is out! Her head is out!" Then Evelyn got in my ear and said, "Sarah! You have to focus! You are gonna push the baby out now! Push her shoulders out! Push!" They had me pull my legs back and being able to focus on pushing was so much better than thinking I was going to have to keep waiting for an epidural. Evelyn's stern direction was very helpful.

8:21 p.m.: I pushed a couple times, her shoulders came out with a great gush, and the rest of her slipped afterward. The relief was immediate. I have never felt so wonderful. The first thing I said was, "I'm SO glad she's out!" My mind and eyes were clear again. Then I wanted to know how big she was and why I couldn't hear her crying. The nurses told me she was big and beautiful, and she was just fine. Seconds later I heard her perfect cry. At 8:21 p.m. on Friday, June 24, my second daughter -- beautiful, perfect and healthy -- arrived into the world.

8 pounds*14 ounces*21 inches*perfect

A.L. (after Lylah): She was totally perfect. Is totally perfect. A big girl with thick, dark hair and long fingers and toes. She latched on right away and nursed for a long time. I didn't tear at all. Ellie and Grayson came up about an hour after she was born and were smitten from the start.

"Finally, Baby Lylah is here!"

Now: I am still replaying the scenes of Lylah's birth over and over in my head. I imagine I will be for a long time. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever done. I am still working through some thoughts on the whole thing, which I'm sure I will articulate in coming days. Or not. All I know is 1.) I got the most amazing gift for my effort and 2.) doctors aren't even needed for catching. Dr. Sutliff missed the whole thing.

My sweetest Lylah,

I can't even begin, my love. You have already marked me for life. You'd think I'd understand it by now, but the overwhelming, incomprehensible love I feel for you, my baby, is unbelievable. I cannot wait to watch you grow; to see if your hair stays dark. I can't wait to watch you with your siblings and with your daddy. I can't wait to see the calling on your life -- that people have already heard from the Lord on -- come to fruition. You, my sweet third child, have shown me I can be strong with help from God. I can't wait to teach you about Him. I love you with every fiber of my being. It really, truly hurts. Welcome to the world.

Love,

Mama

baby clothes.

lylah's newborn clothes, grayson's closet

because lylah's nook has minimal storage, her clothes are sort of spread around the house in pockets of available space. above is her newborn (read: teensy) clothing collection, which, based on today's doctor's appointment, she may or may not be able to wear for longer than 10 minutes. (doctor estimates she weighs around 8.5 pounds right now!) either way, they are super sweet and tiny.

then her 0-3 month and 3 month clothes are in one of the drawers in ellie's dresser. ellie has a ton of closet space plus her dresser, and her clothes don't use anywhere near all of the space. also, the girls will eventually share a room so it made sense to store some of lylah's clothes in that dresser.

a few of lylah's things were her sister's, but they have birthdays in opposite seasons so there's not much. the rest has been carefully curated over the past few months from resale shops, consignment sales, thrift stores and various other shopping stops. she also has several things that were gifts from family and friends.

there's a second drawer in ellie's dresser that holds summery clothes in 3-6 months, which we may or may not get to before it gets cooler, depending on how big a girl she is. the far right pile are cooler weather items in larger sizes.

she doesn't have nearly the quantity of clothing that ellie (or even grayson) had, but i kind of like it that way. i adore all of it, and it's much less overwhelming now and come laundry time.

yay for playing in sweet baby girl clothes!

nursery nook: complete! (photos.)

i posted a video tour the other day, but here is the finished nursery nook in photos. landon made endless fun of my vlog. he said i was using my "martha stewart" voice. whatev. i have it on good authority that people liked my vlog, landon. enjoy the photos as well.

A.L.

since october when i found out i was pregnant, everything has been about "before lylah." (OK, so we didn't know her name in october, but you know what i mean.) "this will happen, this has to get done, that will happen before lylah gets here." it's as if there has been a looming deadline at the end of june that has been on the horizon for, well, nine months. everything has been measured in this time before her arrival. afterwards? who cares! B.L.! get it done!

today, a particularly difficult day of waiting (as if there are easy days of waiting any more) that saw the announcement of two other babies (that aren't mine!) delivered, i had a thought: there does in fact exist "after lylah." it started when the women's retreat randomly popped up in my head, and i realized that lylah will go with me to that. and then i started thinking about how we'll have birthday parties and school will start and thanksgiving and christmas will come and...lylah will be with us. A.L....after lylah.

it was just a sweet moment of perspective that as minutes crawl by to the (no-one-knows-it-and-it's-driving-me-insane) deadline, there is so much to look forward to right past that! she's coming! and she's gonna be with us! just a perfect addition to our family.

how very, very exciting (hormonal pregnant lady sob!)!

lylah ruth: 39 weeks, 1 day.

nursery nook: vlog.

so i attempted to make a video of lylah's nursery nook that is now officially complete. yay! i'm not sure if this is particularly enjoyable to watch or listen to (i'm so awkward), but here it is anyway. i'm going to take some photos, too, including shots of her clothes that are split between her two siblings' closets for the time being.

if you can't gather from the video, the loose, accidental theme of the nook is "fly." i promised i would reveal it when everything was finished. mamo had it right from the beginning. of course.

the nook is totally mismatched and random, but i love it to pieces. i love every single thing in it, and i just want to stare at it all day. having a third baby is fun because you really know what you love, and that's all you choose to have. perfect. mismatched, but totally perfect.

He does not delay.

i drove away from my 37-week doctor's appointment yesterday in a so-so mood. not much change from 36 weeks, but the ob did comment on how the baby is "big enough! definitely big enough!" i was leaving the clinic, and as i was trying to decide exactly how to interpret that comment, a song came on the radio i'd never heard before. i don't know the name or the artist, but one line really struck me:

"oh, my God...He does not delay."

for some reason, the thought resonated loudly to my ultra uncomfortable, pregnant self. i am ridiculously ready for this baby to make her glorious appearance. like...yesterday. times 10. but her birthday is known to One and only One at the moment, and it's not a date He picked at the last minute or as the last item on His to-do list.

He does not delay. how incredibly comforting.

lylah ruth: 37 weeks, 5 days.

lylah ruth: 33 weeks, 5 days.

(my favorite maternity photo. by jenny of sprinkle of grace.)

waiting.

i've been revisiting my archives lately, looking at things i wrote and worried about, prepared and purchased while pregnant with my other two children. i haven't written much (at all?) about my third pregnancy, lylah ruth in residency. several times, i have said, "by the third time, the novelty of pregnancy has worn off." i want the baby, bad. the pregnancy part isn't nearly as cute or fun this time around. while everything about this pregnancy has been easy and uncomplicated medically, it has been more difficult for me physically. more aches and pains. less energy. lots less energy. and frustration because i really do want to clean and organize and run all around preparing for this next phase that is so close yet seems so far. but it hurts. literally. so i am minimally productive and maximally frustrated. i am hopeful that as school winds down, i will be able to pace myself better and be able to get more domestic-related to-do items crossed off my list. i need my mornings. i feel pretty good in the morning. but i go to work in the morning. and by 4 p.m., when i'm off work, my production level is paltry at best. i know it's a season. i know we are getting there. i know these next dragging eight weeks will fly by, and i will be holding my precious third child in my arms in just a few bats of an eyelash.

in the meantime, i'm waiting. arranging and rearranging a carefully curated collection of diaper covers. drifting off to sleep with the lamp on so i can gaze at her cradle and her stacks of summer hats.

i long for you, lylah. i love you so.

lylah ruth: 32 weeks, 2 days.

nursery nook: storage.

be prepared for more photos of the same boxes than you thought possible. i found these hard-sided boxes at target, and thought they may work for storage on the bottom shelf in lylah's nook. after a super enthusiastic response from my sil, i brought them home. i have quite a few thoughts i'm pondering in regards to these boxes. my apologies if box ponderings bore you to tears. i really can't blame you.

i like odd numbers, but there were only two of the patterned boxes available. so i bought this shorter, wider, plain khaki number to pair with the patterned two.

think there's enough room for a third of the same? the depth of the bin & the shelf are literally identical. perfect fit.

the third bin doesn't fit as well. it won't fit with two of the square bins, and it hangs over the edge of the shelf a bit.

so i stuffed the sides with rolled blankets. does that look weird?

toys in the bin. do you think the pattern works for this room?

do you think the bins are too short? they are perfect depth-wise, but there is lots of space left from top to bottom.

all hand-me-down toys.

it doesn't fit, but i'm thinking of keeping this 3rd bin for baby care things that need to be dragged (drug?) from room-to-room around the house. a good idea?

i won't leave it up there, but stuck it there for now. i need some storage box feedback. thoughts?