A.L.

since october when i found out i was pregnant, everything has been about "before lylah." (OK, so we didn't know her name in october, but you know what i mean.) "this will happen, this has to get done, that will happen before lylah gets here." it's as if there has been a looming deadline at the end of june that has been on the horizon for, well, nine months. everything has been measured in this time before her arrival. afterwards? who cares! B.L.! get it done!

today, a particularly difficult day of waiting (as if there are easy days of waiting any more) that saw the announcement of two other babies (that aren't mine!) delivered, i had a thought: there does in fact exist "after lylah." it started when the women's retreat randomly popped up in my head, and i realized that lylah will go with me to that. and then i started thinking about how we'll have birthday parties and school will start and thanksgiving and christmas will come and...lylah will be with us. A.L....after lylah.

it was just a sweet moment of perspective that as minutes crawl by to the (no-one-knows-it-and-it's-driving-me-insane) deadline, there is so much to look forward to right past that! she's coming! and she's gonna be with us! just a perfect addition to our family.

how very, very exciting (hormonal pregnant lady sob!)!

lylah ruth: 39 weeks, 1 day.

He does not delay.

i drove away from my 37-week doctor's appointment yesterday in a so-so mood. not much change from 36 weeks, but the ob did comment on how the baby is "big enough! definitely big enough!" i was leaving the clinic, and as i was trying to decide exactly how to interpret that comment, a song came on the radio i'd never heard before. i don't know the name or the artist, but one line really struck me:

"oh, my God...He does not delay."

for some reason, the thought resonated loudly to my ultra uncomfortable, pregnant self. i am ridiculously ready for this baby to make her glorious appearance. like...yesterday. times 10. but her birthday is known to One and only One at the moment, and it's not a date He picked at the last minute or as the last item on His to-do list.

He does not delay. how incredibly comforting.

lylah ruth: 37 weeks, 5 days.

lylah ruth: 33 weeks, 5 days.

(my favorite maternity photo. by jenny of sprinkle of grace.)

waiting.

i've been revisiting my archives lately, looking at things i wrote and worried about, prepared and purchased while pregnant with my other two children. i haven't written much (at all?) about my third pregnancy, lylah ruth in residency. several times, i have said, "by the third time, the novelty of pregnancy has worn off." i want the baby, bad. the pregnancy part isn't nearly as cute or fun this time around. while everything about this pregnancy has been easy and uncomplicated medically, it has been more difficult for me physically. more aches and pains. less energy. lots less energy. and frustration because i really do want to clean and organize and run all around preparing for this next phase that is so close yet seems so far. but it hurts. literally. so i am minimally productive and maximally frustrated. i am hopeful that as school winds down, i will be able to pace myself better and be able to get more domestic-related to-do items crossed off my list. i need my mornings. i feel pretty good in the morning. but i go to work in the morning. and by 4 p.m., when i'm off work, my production level is paltry at best. i know it's a season. i know we are getting there. i know these next dragging eight weeks will fly by, and i will be holding my precious third child in my arms in just a few bats of an eyelash.

in the meantime, i'm waiting. arranging and rearranging a carefully curated collection of diaper covers. drifting off to sleep with the lamp on so i can gaze at her cradle and her stacks of summer hats.

i long for you, lylah. i love you so.

lylah ruth: 32 weeks, 2 days.

lylah ruth: 30 weeks, 1 day.

29 weeks, v. 1-3.

baby three, progress.

i believe this is my first official post on the blog about baby three. so...if for some unbelievable reason, you didn't know we're expecting no. 3 then...surprise! we are!

16 weeks.

i'm developing some specific thoughts about this pregnancy.
they'll be coming in a later post.

for comparison sake:
ellie at 16 weeks.
(i honestly can't remember when the skin on my belly was that pretty.)
the first photo of gray, 23 weeks.
(we already knew he was a boy. that pregnancy was a bit of a blur.)