yesterday, when i smiled a lot and a lot.

happy birthday, casen!

(the hair adds to the celebration.)

talking babies.

ellie: one of her favorite shows is "the hoobs" on sprout. she yells the name of the show with glee when it comes on. only she switches the "h" at the beginning of "hoobs" with a "b." yeah. oops.

grayson: all of a sudden he is saying, "bababababa" and "mamamamama" and "dadadadada." he says, "mamamama" when he's sad. he's also blowing raspberries like crazy. cutest thing i ever did see.

today...

• i was stressed about school. then i took my first test and got a 96. it'll be OK.
• i took a nap while all three kids were (miraculously) sleeping at once. i closed my eyes, opened them and 40 minutes had passed.
• i started weight watchers. nursing gets you lots of points. i stayed within mine.
• i burned my patchouli candle all day.
• i had a headache for 6 hours.
• i never showered.
• i worked on cass's etsy order, but still didn't finish. tomorrow! for sure!
  
• i was hot. and then i was cold.
• i washed a load of jeans.
• i did not dry a load of jeans.
• i cried when i told landon about what i learned during my quiet time.
• i laughed at ellie doing "all fall down!" in her crib.
• i nursed gray. 1 million times.
• i smiled at gray. 1 million times.
  
• i got a text from jeanette asking for my address. i hope it's cause she's sending a shower invite.
• i tempted kylah with cauliflower poppers.
• i texted delana a lot. i think she was annoyed.
• i got a super cute skirt for ellie from ginger louise.
• i got my order from lovely lolli with a surprise baby girl bracelet for ellie. LOVE THEM!
• i got an invitation to greg and becky's 40th wedding anniversary.
• i made REALLY good dinner. the fresh steamed green beans were the best.
• i made sopapilla cheesecake for the chapter 1 dinner. i only licked the bowl twice. and they were small licks.
  

i think that's all.

did you make a new year's resolution to lose weight, get in shape or eat better in 2009?

if so, read this. it's very insightful. the whole blog is great.

you're welcome.

:)

what i know on inauguration day: He has a plan.

today is the inauguration. barack obama will drop "elect" to become president barack obama. president george w. bush will become "former president george w. bush."

in the online world, the excitment about today is palpable. in the christian world, the aprehension about today is heavy.

it would do no good for me to try to form a coherant political opinion, but there are a couple things i know regarding this presidency that is mere moments away from its genesis.

this morning, in my quiet time, i was studying the story of esther. a jewish girl who stood out among hundreds -- thousands? -- of beautiful, young virgins and won the heart of the pagan king of persia. the questions that arise when wondering why esther was chosen are too many to name. but, as beth moore points out in the study, a simple verse in proverbs gives a worthy explanation.

"the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord. like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes." --proverbs 21:1

God wanted esther to be queen.

i know no matter what good or bad plans obama has, my God holds our president's heart in His hand. He can turn obama's heart however He pleases. He has a plan.

another point beth moore brings to light in my study is when mordecai, cousin and caretaker of the orphaned esther before she was crowned queen, saves king xerxes' life by tipping esther off to a pair of doorkeepers who were plotting to kill xerxes. (esther 2:21-23) a jewish man who was no doubt at odds with the ideals of the persian king, a conflict of interest for sure, honored his duty to protect his leader.

i know that even if i do not agree with obama, my God asks me to honor my leader and protect him with my life. i can do this because i trust God. i have faith because i know He has a plan.

so happy inauguration day! let's relish in this new beginning with confidence and not fear.

He has a plan!

popular.

in the past few days, i have sold four sets of these cards. one set to a girl in singapore and one set to a girl in hong kong. i just made them randomly one day, but never would have guessed they'd be so popular. ("so popular" -- like four sets makes me popular.) i'm not sure if i'm making any money with this etsy thing, but i sure am having fun!

it's all in the family.

as you've probably gathered, i'm super obsessed with etsy. and i have a shop.

well, my sister is also super obsessed with etsy. and SHE has a shop. it's called lovely lolli. she hasn't been open for very long, and has some lovely (hence the name..) jewelry. following are pictures of a few of her pieces. she recently had her first sale, even though i was supposed to be the first. it's just that i can't decide what i want! soon. very soon. or maybe i should just buy 12 things. hmm...

shop lovely lolli! you won't regret it!

(did i mention she has AMAZING prices? oh. well. she does.)

ellie discovers play-dough.

how can i be expected to do laundry when playing with him is my other option?

there are no words.

video of the day: get your tissues.

boden would be it.

have you ever played the game of, "if money were no object, and you had to shop at one clothing store for the rest of your life, what would it be?"

no?

i have.

and if i ever find myself in such a position, boden would be it.




bonus: not only could i shop for myself there forever, i could also shop for my husband and my children.

so lovely. sigh.

coming up for air.

::deep breath::

after-christmas madness coupled with sick kids makes for a crazy me.

grayson was prescribed a steroid for his rsv that made him totally insane for four days. of course, it took me until the last day to realize why my child was screaming and wanted to nurse 24 hours a day. like my mom said, it's hard to think with a baby screaming his head off in your ear. apparently, steroids make you super moody and insatiably hungry. yeah. i'm a quick one. gray would seriously eat until i had no more. he doesn't typically like a bottle, and he'd never had formula before. after i figured out what was going on, i gave him 4 oz. after he was still fussing after two hours of straight nursing. first taste ever, and he killed it. didn't even bat an eyelash. soooo hungry. i only ended up giving him a couple bottles before he was done with the medicine and lost his ravenous appetite. i know doctors don't tell you every side effect of the drugs they prescribe, and it's my responsibility to read all the teeny tiny words on the piece of paper from the pharmacist. but dang! if my five-month-old might go off the deep end, i think you ought give me a heads up! the nurse confirmed it was a common side effect so i'm thinking a little forewarning would have been good.

::deep breath::

then there are bills and christmas decorations and cleaning and laundry and school and questions about teaching and bible study and youth and part-time jobs at target and freelancing and babysitting and...

i moved the entire christmas tree from it's spot in the living room to the garage. assembled. lit. decorated. i will go out there and put it all away. eventually. i think i have time in july.

::deep breath::

all i really want to do is play with my new sewing machine and songbird pie. i have, somehow, managed to do some of that amid all the madness. heh.

::deep breath::

i am happy to report that everyone seems pretty well over their illnesses at our house. i actually took grayson to see the doctor on saturday, and he said his lungs sound great. it'd been nine days since his symptoms started, and the doctor told us that the effects of rsv can easily last six weeks!

praise and thanks to Jesus for healing my babies!

::deep breath::

i think we're getting back in to the swing of things. i've been working on getting myself into a good organization system (visit here for AWESOME posts and downloads for busy moms), but it's a process.

::deep breath::
::deep breath::
::deep breath::

cinco mesas.

today, grayson is five months old. he still rolls from his back to his tummy, but no tummy to back yet. swaddling is still essential. he changes noises every so often, and still loves to hear his voice. we continue to live with thrush, but every wince of pain is redeemed 100-fold by the time i get to cuddle my baby son against me. no sleeping through the night except for randomly now and then. he's still at his happiest in the arms of those who love him.

new this month were his first tastes of rice cereal and baby applesauce, constant finger sucking and very...very...concentrated...grabbing of toys, fingers, pacifiers, etc. he and ellie love to play a game in which she says, "boo!" over and over and he smiles like she is the greatest comedian of all time. he had his first christmas. he was completely oblivious to the excitement, but his mama had much fun buying him handmade greatness on etsy. he'll appreciate it someday, right? super exciting this month was the announcement that his (and ellie's) very first cousin is cooking! also this month, grayson caught rsv. he continues to battle it on his five-month birthday with wheezing, coughing, fewer giggles and a little bit of heart-breaking dull in those usually-sparkling baby blues. but he's getting better slowly. fussing is decreasing. smiles are increasing. i'm super pumped for month six during which he will be completely healed.



gray-day/dc/smokey: if my love for you continues to increase at this rate, i will surely explode before your first birthday. i have to be careful not to squeeze you as hard as i want to because it would probably hurt you! the excitement i feel when i imagine being your mama for your whole life is indescribable. i thank God for you 1 million times over. i love you so. adoringly: mommy.

food for thought (pun intended).

following my usual blog link rabbit trails, i found out this morning there is a war between facebook and breastfeeding moms. it started some time ago, and it's still going. apparently, facebook has banned any photos that depict breastfeeding and encourages that they be flagged "obscene."

for clarity, the definition of obscene, according to several sources pulled by google, is: designed to incite to indecency or lust, abhorrent: offensive to the mind, lewd: suggestive of or tending to moral looseness.

hmm. by that definition, 90 percent of all photos on facebook ought to be banned.

but i digress...

while you won't find me posting any photos of myself breastfeeding, there is no question that anything to do with the act -- photos, videos, live performances -- is most certainly NOT obscene. most of the time, there is hardly skin to be seen. maybe it's the sucking noise. the knowledge that there is sucking going on?

the whole mess stems from the ridiculous stigma towards breastfeeding in public, an act that i most certainly engage in. with the commonality of plunging necklines and sky-high hemlines, i don't quite comprehend the double-standard.

research proves over and over how beneficial breastmilk is for babies and even toddlers, and most anyone who can read accepts that. but nurse anywhere but holed up in a dark room with your head under a blanket? stares and whispers are sadly your congratulations.

seriously? it's not like anyone is walking around topless.

mark zuckerberg is the ceo of facebook. he is 24 years old. i suppose we can't expect him to understand breastfeeding and all of its intricacies. but we ought to be able to expect more from society as a whole.

i can't prove it, but i'd be willing to bet a lot of money that there isn't a single mother breastfeeding her child in public as an attempt to seduce any unsuspecting passersby.

most likely, she's a bit flustered, worried about what others will think, but desperately wanting to comfort and care for her baby in the best way she knows how.

believe me, i know.

status.

grayson has rsv. the test that was used to determine that was downright torturous. the machine made me think of the motor used to blow up an air mattress with long tubes attached. the tubes are stuck up the baby's nose where the remain for five very long minutes to suck out mucous that is sent to the lab to be tested. lots of screaming and sneezing ensues. tragic, indeed. the doctor prescribed him an antibiotic for two infected ears and a steroid to help with the coughing and wheezing and open up his chest. his oxygen levels are good so we don't have to do breathing treatments. thank goodness. we're supposed to watch him and call if he gets any worse. we also got another bottle of diflucan for the eternal thrush. at least it makes it go away for a couple day, right? a couple days of relief is better than nothing.

ellie, whom i said was not wheezing, did in fact start to wheeze. we took her in to have her oxygen levels tested, and they are fine as well. no ear infections and no rsv for her, but her cough is a lot wetter and rattles. the doc said that could possibly mean pneumonia. so she's on an antibiotic for pneumonia as well as the steroid to help with the cough and wheezing. they brought up the possibility of breathing treatments to help with all the mucous in her chest and lungs (even though oxygen levels are OK), but it was decided the fight was not worth it. we are also supposed to watch for any signs of worsening in her.

so, um. yeah. what the heck? this is way too much drama for me. and i know i'm an idiot, but i can't help but feel like a failure of a breastfeeding mom since my son contracted rsv despite his being exclusively breastfed. "breastfeeding can help prevent viruses such as rsv..." antibodies, boosted immune system, higher IQ, blah, blah, blah. yeah. except if your milk sucks. or something. is it my fault? i know that is a totally moronic way to think, but i wouldn't be a mom if i wasn't riding the guilt wave, now would i? ellie only breastfed exclusively for two months (woah, speaking of guilt), and SHE never got rsv. ugh.

get better, babies. you're making mommy sick with worry.

scared.

grayson is wheezing. it started out as a cough on thursday, and yesterday morning he woke up wheezing. it's gotten worse and he is still coughing. he coughed so hard and long this morning that he threw up. his temperature has never been higher than 100.6, and, though he isn't as bright-eyed as normal, we can still get smiles out of him. he was up every 2 hours last night, and had a hard time going back to sleep because of the coughing. i'm also nervous about the fact that his diapers for the past few days have been practically dry. ellie has been sick since tuesday or so, but has never had any wheezing or fever. just lots of coughing. i think she's on the mend.

i called the doctor on call (we're in san antonio for christmas no. 5) last night about gray, and she told me there are several viruses going around that can cause wheezing. some of them are not anything that we'd do anything for except ride it out. she said if he is struggling to nurse because breathing alone is too exhausting or i can see his ribcage with every breath i should take him to the er. she said to hold out if possible because if we weren't sick before we went to the hospital, we would be after going. otherwise, she said i should definitely take him to the doctor on monday.

so.. the wheezing is worse and his breath is shallower than it should be. but i really don't wanna go to the er. especially not in san antonio. i'm gonna try hard to get us home this afternoon, make it through the night and take him first thing in the morning to the pediatrician.

casen and owen and jacob are sick too. i cried earlier. i hate sick babies!

canvas collage art.

the newest addition to songbird pie...

listings are for one canvas, but i can make them in sets too. sets of 3 or more available at a discount. any size, paper color/pattern and design your heart desires. perfect for baby nurseries and kids' rooms!

happy happy 2009.

this year i resolve to:

-eat a cup of yogurt every day. maybe it'll help my thrush.
-subscribe, more or less, to the "weigh down diet" plan of eating. eat when hungry. stop when full. remember that no matter how much it seems so, the world's supply of chocolate is not in jeopardy, and there will be more available even if i decide not to eat 37 pieces in one sitting.
-cook dinner at home more. should not be hard considering how often i did it in 2008.
-not get pregnant or have a baby. for the first time since 2006.
-squeeze and love and nurture the babies i do have as much as is humanly possible.
-run. run for me. run for fun. run for the challenge and the health benefits and the accomplishment.
-not run if i'm in pain or too tired to keep my eyes open.
-indulge my love of ballet.
-be OK being the bawling matron-of-honor during laura's wedding.
-be OK being the bawling first-time aunt during sessie's birth.
-sing more in church.
-cut our debt in half.
-increase our savings account balance from 61 cents.
-get the nursery schedule out on time.
-trust God with the teaching situation. finally.
-maintain a strict (for me) schedule that will allow me to juggle all 10,000 balls i have flying without losing my mind.
-make my bed and do the dishes. if the bed is made and the dishes are done, the house seems clean. enough.
-resign myself to the fact that i suck at laundry. and get a really huge laundry hamper so we can at least get the clothes off the floor.
-read to the kids more.
-read to myself more.
-bathe the dog more.
-play outside more.
-do the bible study homework on the day i'm supposed to do it.
-fall more madly in love with my husband, and work harder at loving him in the ways i know he likes to be loved. (read: cook more.)
-go to bed no later than 11.
-make time for songbird pie, but temper my intense love for it enough to have a fighting chance at the rest of these resolutions.
-spend more time with my friends.
-take a vacation with landon. just him and me. preferably somewhere with mountains and a hot tub.
-grow closer to Jesus. 2008 was a huge year for our relationship, and i want more.

black eyed peas are simmering and bowl games are blaring. here's to 2009!