Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Monday, January 05, 2009

status.

grayson has rsv. the test that was used to determine that was downright torturous. the machine made me think of the motor used to blow up an air mattress with long tubes attached. the tubes are stuck up the baby's nose where the remain for five very long minutes to suck out mucous that is sent to the lab to be tested. lots of screaming and sneezing ensues. tragic, indeed. the doctor prescribed him an antibiotic for two infected ears and a steroid to help with the coughing and wheezing and open up his chest. his oxygen levels are good so we don't have to do breathing treatments. thank goodness. we're supposed to watch him and call if he gets any worse. we also got another bottle of diflucan for the eternal thrush. at least it makes it go away for a couple day, right? a couple days of relief is better than nothing.

ellie, whom i said was not wheezing, did in fact start to wheeze. we took her in to have her oxygen levels tested, and they are fine as well. no ear infections and no rsv for her, but her cough is a lot wetter and rattles. the doc said that could possibly mean pneumonia. so she's on an antibiotic for pneumonia as well as the steroid to help with the cough and wheezing. they brought up the possibility of breathing treatments to help with all the mucous in her chest and lungs (even though oxygen levels are OK), but it was decided the fight was not worth it. we are also supposed to watch for any signs of worsening in her.

so, um. yeah. what the heck? this is way too much drama for me. and i know i'm an idiot, but i can't help but feel like a failure of a breastfeeding mom since my son contracted rsv despite his being exclusively breastfed. "breastfeeding can help prevent viruses such as rsv..." antibodies, boosted immune system, higher IQ, blah, blah, blah. yeah. except if your milk sucks. or something. is it my fault? i know that is a totally moronic way to think, but i wouldn't be a mom if i wasn't riding the guilt wave, now would i? ellie only breastfed exclusively for two months (woah, speaking of guilt), and SHE never got rsv. ugh.

get better, babies. you're making mommy sick with worry.

4 comments:

Missy said...

I'm so sorry Sarah, I'll be praying for y'all.

Christina said...

Oh Sarah. It is sooo not your fault. Babies, toddlers, children and teenagers will (and I know this is fact) at some point get sick no matter what they drank as a baby. I will pray that you will be able to push aside the guilt and let your instincts take over. They will get better, after a lot of T.L.C. from momma!

The Future Mrs. Long said...

Poor babies!!!!!! I wish I was there to help them! I know I couldn't do much but I want to just hold them and make them better!! As always you guys are in our prayers!

Mari said...

Yeah, when Brylie was sick two months ago, I pretty much thought breastfeeding must have been pointless. But - there's so much other good stuff in there besides antibodies. Plus, you never know how bad it might have been if you didn't breastfeed him. Hang in there!