questions.

1.) can someone please invent a way to write in the shower? i get all my ideas and think of everything i need to get done and hear from God in the shower. by the time i get out, i'm afraid i've forgotten half of it. i need waterproof post-its.
2.) if you were me, would you pick out baby bedding that works for a boy or a girl so you would have it before the baby gets here? or wait until after he/she is born to get anything?
3.) is there a public pool in this town? it has only been in the 70s so far, and i'm already hot. i think ellie and i are going to be living at the pool this summer. i haven't even tried one on, and i've already gotten over my fear of maternity swimsuits.

that is all for now.

greatness by sprinkle of grace.

for those of you who do not have the pleasure of being directly connected to the wonderful talent that is sprinkle of grace, click this to see more pictures like the one posted here. jenny took these of our family this past saturday. i am more than pleased.

where, oh where, has my saturday gone?

today ellie pointed at pictures of a dog and a horse when asked, "where's the dog?" and "where's the horse?" it was on the last page of eric carle's "brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" there were about eight or so animals to choose from when she pointed at the correct ones. a genius, i tell you.

today we had family portraits made by the up and coming super star of san angelo photography, sprinkle of grace. i'm sure the best ones will be circulating the blog o' sphere by monday.

today i felt the baby kick for the first time. ellie and i were on the way to ana's birthday party, and i just felt a tiny kick way down low below my belly button. i just grinned and grinned as tears welled up in my eyes. then i looked at my first baby in the rearview mirror. i can't believe she once kicked me from the inside too.

i think those are the highlights. at least as good as they're gonna get in my current state of exhaustion.

and to think, we didn't watch one episode of lost today. there's been more than one every day for two weeks. yikes.

oh, to be able to sleep in tomorrow... no such luck.

who invented church anyway?

the terrible 2's are way too early.

i don't know what has gotten into my sweet baby girl, but she is all of a sudden the queen of screeching attitude.

we're talking screaming during any menial task - hair washing, dressing, diaper changing, undressing, hand wiping, etc.

and throwing things and slapping at people and things and flailing of arms and legs and...

i'm at a loss. it continues throughout the day; it isn't just when she's sleepy or something, though it does get way worse then.

a week ago she was a happy angel. she's only 1!!!

i really hope she's getting teeth or something.

does anyone have any tips on how to handle this? it is wearing me down like woah, and i'm not sure what to do. i don't want to let her get away with it, but it seems any stern "no," smack on the hand or even a spanking (her first real ones, on her bottom) only make her scream longer and louder, and she doesn't quit the behavior.

no me gusta este. ayuda por favor.

i think God got a doctored dictionary. webster left out the word "hurry" in His copy.

i know everyone has experiences like this so you know where i'm coming from.

it's just i felt like we were making progress. i felt like things were getting better, and - though far from "on top of it" - we were at least moving in a positive direction. most of the loose ends were tied up, and progress was beginning.

today, i was rudely informed of the false nature of that feeling. it was a lying feeling.

in fact, we are still flailing around in the deep, dark pool at the bottom. splashing to and fro, hoping for some olympic-style, progress-making strokes to suddenly become something of which we are capable.

crap. crap. crap.

and then when i prayed, a rather pissed off prayer, i might add, God said, "I want you in My house" along with something about baby steps and "remember those things you have already accomplished in Me. faithfulness is not a short term project."

does He not understand the concept of HURRY?!?!!? i get it! hello! can we just freakin' hurry now?!!? the things You're telling me to do are not conducive to hurrying. burn a bush, part a sea, make animals talk and turn water to wine. immediate healing is what we need!

all i want is to hurry... i just want to be on the right track.

now.

writer's block, etc.

i have it. on so many different levels. the most pressing at this moment being that i have a big story due today. i have lots of good interviews, but i just can't get it to come out. it's probably because i have several hours to deadline. only when the clock is at an hour and ticking does the good stuff seem to flow. i really have to do something about that. blah.

in other news, landon and i are now two episodes into the second season of lost. goodness gracious, are we addicted. bad. michael and kylah took season 3 to san antonio this weekend, and they better go quick. 'cause at this rate, we will be driving there in the night to steal it while they're sleeping.

also i know i owe you, oh, great and mighty blogsphere, photos from one one-year-old's nap in an excersaucer, real birthday and birthday party. but i'm watching lost! and nursing my writer's block. patience.

if you remember a previous blog about a meeting and a money-making opportunity, the news is this: it was a job offer, a job offer that i turned down yesterday. crazy! i know. but putting a friend in a frenzy for a babysitter two weeks from now, working until 11 p.m., copy editing and not having much to show for it above what i've been able to swing thus far WITHOUT a legitimate job, just didn't add up for me. plus, you know, the whole thing about staying home with my kids, nursing the new one and so on and so forth.

besides, each time i prayed about it, i felt God saying "I want you in My house." every time i pray about anything now, He says that.

more on that later.

i gotta go find a writer's block remedy. i wonder if cherry limeade helps. it IS happy hour...

hoping jenny is awake.

considering i kept her at my house until nearly 1:30 a.m. this morning, i'm hoing she is able to stay awake in class today.

i wanted to paint and decorate a kid-sized table for ellie's room for her birthday. it is going to replace her baby girl swing in the corner of her nursery.

well, there is a beautifully painted and decorated kid-sized table now in my possession, but i didn't lift a finger. some minor advising on my part, and jenny created a masterpiece. i meant to soak up her creative direction, not put her to work. but the minute i drew a heart that looked like a 3-year-old made it, it was apparent i needed to leave the work to the professionals.

you should come see it. it's fabulous.

my s-t sports debut.

i promise not to link every story i ever write.

one year ago, this very minute..

...i was holding this brand-new baby girl in my arms for the first time.

meeting.

i have a meeting tomorrow at lunch. it involves making money. i was very upfront with this person about my requirements as related to my current situation. i am not hopeful. well, maybe just a smidge. pray for doors either wide open or slammed shut. i need God to speak loud and clear.

i'll keep you posted.

if nothing else, i'm getting a free lunch at carino's. mmm.

(you better not come spy!)

ellie update.

we got into the doctor yesterday, and ellie has double ear infections. he mentioned rsv the flu, but said he didn't think she could have rsv since she isn't wheezing or flu since she hasn't been vomiting.

but two ear infections is bad enough for me, poor baby.

my kid has never been sick in the year she's been alive so this has been a trying week.

i'm so glad we know the problem now.

and thank goodness for antibiotics!

the time for bullets has come.

• first of all, my husband turned 28 last thursday, and i didn't write a thing about it. how horrible! that late post is coming.
• the reason WHY lots of thing, like posting about landon's birthday, have not happened, is because ellie is sick. today is day 7.
• ellie is sick. she has a runny and stuffy nose, but it is clear or white. she is coughing, sneezing and running a fever anywhere from 99.5 to 101. for the first few days, she was acting herself so i wasn't too worried. she started acting lethargic sometime while i was gone in san antonio this weekend.
• (i was in san antonio this weekend. landon watched ellie. sick ellie. he is an amazing dad.)
• we're going to the doctor at 2:20 today.
• one bullet would not be enough room to include everything i went through to get a doctor's appointment. i have serious concerns about the shortage of medical staff in this town. serious concerns.
• my family is coming this weekend for ellie's party!!
• i really hope ellie is better by the time her party gets here. this is literally the first time she's ever been sick in her life, and i hate that it's during her 1st birthday.
• i'm writing three stories for the s-t this week so look for me. the editor-in-chief seems to like me and is encouraging all his editors to assign stories to me. sweetness.
• ellie fell asleep in her excersaucer today. she won't fall asleep anywhere but her bed, and this was a completely gasp-inducing sight for me. i have photos and video i'll post later. she was snoring.
• my grandaddy is out of the hospital, and the doctor said it is not uncommon for people his age to have a seizure for no known cause. ??? he also has pneumonia, but is at home recovering fairly well. he has regained his memory. thank you for your prayers.
• i am really sad i missed the v-day card-making party at wendy's. i just got in to town pretty late, and my baby girl was sick so i headed home.
• we have a new tv. a 42" hd, lcd vizio tv. it's electronic beauty defined. my crafy husband was asking for best buy cards for christmas and his birthday to save. he has about $300 worth right now. and instead of buying a more expensive tv at best buy, he figured out he could spend the same amount of cash buying a cheaper vizio from sam's and save the gift cards for a ps3. um, i'm really quite annoyed that he's that clever. though the blueray (high-def) dvd player that comes inside a ps3 is easing the annoyance ever so slightly.
• now we'll have everyone over for mavs watching parties! as soon as we actually get cable...
  
• in the meantime, we have started watching lost from season 1 on our lovely new tv. we watched the first three episodes last night, and ho-ly crap is all i can say.
• we're getting new id tags for the nursery this week sometime, and i'm super excited. you will be too when you see them.
• um, i think that's all. at least that's all i can think of...

peace.

please pray.

i got an email from my dad tonight that said my grandaddy (his dad) had a seizure last night. he is in the hospital for at least two or three days while they run tests. dad said grandaddy didn't know his name or where he was after the episode, but that he was gaining some of that back today. his bit his tongue hard during the seizure so he was also bleeding a lot too.

my grandparents live in north carolina, and it's been a long time since i've seen them - probably going on five years. they've never met landon or ellie.

we correspond quite a bit through snail mail though, and i miss them badly.

pray for my grandaddy's healing? he'll be 85 this year.

thanks.

it's official.

i just made my daily check to the asu website to see if the news and information specialist position is still posted.

today, it's not.

i'm almost laughing at myself as i write this because i should've known -- i probably did -- a long time ago that i wasn't going to get that position.

but now it is concrete. i will not get that job. there's no chance.

unless they just decided to take it down until they really ARE ready to hire. :)

hey, i really believe that God has been showing me that we're going to make our run at it in san angelo in a way that we did not originally imagine.

and i'm OK with that.

as i was sitting (still in my pj's, hehe) on the bathroom floor, watching my nearly-one-year-old baby splash and squeal in the tub at 12:30 this afternoon, i felt a peace. and a thankfulness. and as i sit here at the computer with 12 bills laid out in front of me, i feel a peace. and a thankfulness.

He has provided. He promises to continue. why should i doubt?

my goals right now are to grow in my relationship with Jesus, cultivate and nurture the relationship the Lord has given me with my husband and my friends, raise two healthy, God-fearing children and support Landon's ministry.

the ins and outs are up to Him.

seeing as He created the world, i bet He's capable of making it happen.
______________

footnote: if you're super observant, you'll see that this was posted on feb. 4. but you're probably seeing it for the first time on feb. 5 or even feb. 6. i could have sworn i published this yesterday, but i kept checking my comments, and there were none. i was sorta getting my feelings hurt (ha), and then delana told me there wasn't anything new on my blog since feb. 1.

oops.

mondays are apparently bad for me. i forgot my first baby doctor appointment yesterday at 10. i remembered at 11. they're getting me in feb. 25. for those of you keeping track at home, i'll be going to my first ob appointment with this child at 15.5 weeks.

sheesh.

i miss my love.

tonight landon is in Dallas. he went to run a motley assortment of errands, and he'll be back early tomorrow evening. i got to kiss him this morning, and i will kiss him tomorrow. no entire day will pass in which i do not touch him.

but it feels like too long. i miss him.

i don't like sleeping alone. and it always seems that when he is away, something happens to remind me how lucky i am. that was the case tonight, and i want badly to be in his arms.

i wrote this in a journal on dec. 27, 2002 as i was falling deeply, madly in love with landon. it is a question i still ask today.

"what did i do, Jesus? you must have great things planned, and You're rewarding me in advance...because this is incredible!"