my angel puppy.

g-i-r-l spells girl.

the pregnancy in pictures.

19 weeks pregnant.
16 weeks pregnant.
12 weeks pregnant.

our first baby girl shopping trip.

these are pictures of our shopping trip and the outfit we picked. our baby's first dress. aww...

WARNING!

i just bought a new camera cord.

prepare to be inundated.

welcome to the age of the internet.

wait. that started like 20 years ago or something. didn't it?

oh, well. according to people newspapers, it just started.

we finally got our website!

it launched today, and i personally think it is gor-ge-ous. one of my favorite parts is how each paper has a tab at the top, and when you roll over them, each is a different color. lovely.

tell me what you think.

and read ALL my stories. do it.

at a loss.

i took down my earlier t.o. posts because things are changing every five minutes with this story, and i don't have the time or energy to keep up with them on my blog. tomorrow is deadline, people. for the job i get paid to do.

i don't know what to think. parcells knows nothing. t.o. and his publicist just denied everything in the police report. so the police lied? could they really have gotten things that confused? they quoted both t.o. and his publicist. there are big problems if the pd got everything so wrong. but somehow, i can't buy that.

what i do know is it would be unlikely for someone who attempted suicide last night to be back at work, catching passes from drew bledsoe and speaking with the media less than 24 hours later.

the real story is in there somewhere.

but we certainly don't have it now, and we may never have it.

think pink.

it's a girl. a perfect, healthy, growing, beautiful, more-than-i-could-ever-hope-for girl.

she's 11 onces, 8.4 inches. we saw all four chambers of her heart, her spine, her femur, both her arms and legs and hands and feet, her kidneys, her umbilical cord and her perfect face. she has a forehead, eyes, a nose, lips and a chin and neck. i guess babies are born with all those perfect things every day, but it's absolutely amazing to me that she's so tiny with all those things in place and working already and INSIDE ME. they kept my due date the same -- apparently her growth progress is right in the 50th percentile. she's in a breech position and her butt is down on top of my bladder (an explanation for endless peeing..), and her legs are folded up next to her head, practically. she was waving her arms and her legs and kicking me all over. i already want to hold her. i'm longing to hold her.

for the longest time the sonogram lady couldn't see whether it was a boy or a girl because her butt was pushed up against my bladder. seriously, for 15 minutes she couldn't tell, and i was really thinking, "i WILL stay here until you tell me what it is..." and then she started drawing this sort of scribbly line on the side of the baby's head on the profile picture she captured to give us. she kept talking to us, and then three minutes later or something she says, "do you know what that is?" talking about the drawing. i said, "....no." she said, "it's a bow. you're having a beautiful baby girl." and then the sobbing started. apparently landon knew it was a bow as soon as she drew it. he was just sitting on the other side of me holding my hand the whole time, waiting for me to realize or the sonogram lady to say something. this crying was ridiculous, i'm telling you. i was trying not to cry, because my belly bounces, and she's trying to see little, tiny things on the baby. well, instead it would just escape every now and then in these awkward, desperate sob-sounding things -- to the point where she asked me (three times) if i needed to get up or stop or get a drink of water. it really wasn't that bad, but i just had so much built up over the whole thing that i needed a good solid cry for about five minutes straight. instead, it was 15 more minutes of ridiculous-souding gasps. slightly embarassing, but i imagine things get a lot more embarassing in this process before it's over.

landon was so sweet. he didn't laugh at me (he should've). he just stood up and brushed my hair from my face and bent down to kiss me every so often and wipe my tears away.

it was really incredible.

then we went to old navy and then target to try to find a baby girl dress. we picked this perfect little light brown (Carter's) corduroy dress with tiny pink flowers all over it from target. underneath is a long-sleeved pink onesie with flowers on the ends of the sleeves and little tiny velvet bows underneath the flowers. i'm going to put her in light pink tights with it, and wrap her up so tight so she's not cold in february.

it was...amazing.

i have a daughter.

**coming soon: the sonogram picture, photos of our first baby girl shopping trip and a special "girl" portrait. now if i could only find my camera cord...**

for clarification...

because some of you may be confused, i'm posting this clarification as to when i'm going to find out the sex of my baby.

monday, sept. 25, 2006 at 2:30 p.m. central standard time.

i know i posted about it previously, saying, "tomorrow," and it showed up under a "monday" heading, leading to confusion and false thinking that "tomorrow" meant "tuesday."

but should you check very closely, you'll see that i posted at 12:25 a.m. -- still sunday night for me.

i realized this could become an issue as soon as i posted, but, as i told my dad, i was too sleepy to fix it last night.

so, there you have it. from right now, we're at t-minus four hours.

my tummy is in knots.

last night i had a dream about the appointment. as in, literally looking at sonogram screen. it was a girl. it was a very dramatic moment. we'll see how my dreams do on the prophetic scale.

it won't be long now.

hey in there, little one.

in 14 hours (2:30 p.m. tomorrow), i'm going to see my baby. if this is the anticipation that builds just to see grainy black and white pictures of my baby, i cannot imagine the moment when i see him or her in real life.

that's the last time i'll write "him or her." tomorrow i'll be able to say one or the other.

tomorrow i'll know whether the 0-3 months pink onsie that says "daddy's little valentine" is something my baby will wear, or something i'll be giving away. (don't worry - it was $3.49 on sale. totally worth the risk.)

i promise to post something as soon as i know.

the only delay would be if i get sidetracked at old navy buying everything pink or everything blue that they have on sale.

so... please be patient.

because tomorrow i'll know!

i want this.

you think i could pull it off?

it's 3:05. people are not calling me back. i'm wasting time. leave me alone.

this, my wonderful friends, this is why i love ebay.

i just won this dress. for $12.99. this dress is currently available at nordstrom. for $132. it's a maternity dress. it is adorable. don't worry. i will not treat you to that much clevage when i wear it.

in honor of friends.

today my friends natalie and damion are livin' it up in shreveport on their first wedding anniversary. it's hard to believe that it's been that long since we were chocolate-brown-and-ivory obsessed. natalie was incredibly supportive while i was planning my wedding -- a process that was not, let's say, as celebratory as it should've been. even if no one else was excited about how the color of the guest cards perfectly matched the bridesmaids updates, natalie was. and she's been just as supportive and involved in my life since we first became friends, bemoaning the start to our careers that was star newspapers. she, molly and i are quite the trio when we put our heads together. and her husband damion is a doll. he talks football with me and has been as sweet as candy since the first time i talked to him.

following is an example of just the kind of friend natalie is to me. this is a comment on this post. it was my first blog after i found out i was pregnant.

natalie said...

oh honey. this blog helps me see how you're feeling right now. and you're right, everything will be fine. no one is ever really prepared for such a monumental event. but you have all that this baby really needs, love, faith and hope... and friends and family who adore you and that tiny raisin inside you. will it be hard, yes, will you cry, yes, will you question the timing, yes, but will you love this baby more than life itself. yes.

she's a wonderful woman and a wonderful friend sent to me by God, no doubt. she and damion have a wonderful marriage. i'm inspired by it.

nat and damion, i wish you every blessing on such a day. you deserve to be celebrated. congratulations. and i love you.

everyone likes lyla. or lila. or lylah. or...something.

so, besides one friend of mine, the one that gave me the cookie, everyone i've asked or who has read this blog likes the name lyla.

the main conversation has been about the spelling.

molly and natalie like the traditional 'lila.' molly is crazy, 100 percent in favor of it.

i like 'lyla,' but am trying to decide if the changed spelling is just going to complicate my child's life.

well, new suggestion, which i'm kinda digging right now.

my sister-in-law is kylah. and she and delana, my mother-in-law, suggested lylah, in honor of her auntie.

i think that's kinda cool! it's a different spelling, and i'm all about honoring family members with my baby's name.

lylah ruth.

pretty.

my hands have been too full of cookie to type thanks up until now.

i just inhaled a chocolate cookie, a big one, in record time. it was yum. thanks to a generous friend of mine.

in other baby news...

...i had a dream last night that i was holding a little girl named lila. i can't be sure whether it was my little girl or not. but i held her. i know that.

the name lyla is on our (ever-lengthening) list of baby names.

i'm trying to decide if spelling the name with a 'y' instead of an 'i' is pretty or looks like someone just trying to be different for the sake of being different. and everyone will misspell her name her whole life, and i should just be normal and get over it.

lila.

lyla.

lyla ruth henry. that's how it reads on our baby name list.

lyla means "dark" and ruth means "compassionate friend." both of my grandmothers' names are ruth.

her initials would be lrh.

oh, the joy and agony of baby naming. i LOVE it!

it's a boy!

my friend amy who is two weeks more pregnant than i am had her 20-week sonogram yesterday. she's about to go on vacation, and what an incredible way to start - looking at pictures of the beautiful baby growing inside her. she was totally convinced for most of the first half of her pregnancy that she was carrying another little girl. she and her husband, dave, already have a precious little girl named katelyn. not until these past couple of weeks did she start having thoughts that maybe, just maybe, she might be having a boy. and she is! she saw him yesterday. a beautiful baby boy who will no doubt bless a family worthy of 10,000 blessings. i love you, smiths! congratulations.

from the archive: i left my blood in mississippi.

I Left My Blood in Mississippi
By Sarah Piland

I left my blood in Mississippi.

Well, more accurately stated it was forcibly obtained by a swarm of Delta mosquitoes.

Personally, I think they should be renamed something including the descriptions “poison-injecting” and “killer.”

Mosquito just isn’t vicious enough.

But no one asked me.

No kidding, I have welts the size golf balls on my feet and legs from these things.

There I was just dancing the night away to the strains of blues band Mississippi Slim at my good friend’s wedding.

I’m from Texas and we do things big, but this is ridiculous.

Speaking of Texas, I have always considered myself southern. Texas is south, right?

We’ve got the drawl, we say y’all, horses, cowboys boots, the whole bit.

But then I went to Mississippi.

Now if you know nothing of the south you probably imagine huge plantation homes, Spanish moss hanging from the trees and iced tea on the wrap-around porch.

You’ve got the iced tea part right, but where I was, in Cleveland, Miss., I didn’t see anything too Scarlet O’Hara to tell you the truth.

But it was undeniably southern. A kind of southern I don’t think I had a grasp of until I visited.

I wished I’d had my camera so I could have captured what I’m trying to explain.

It’s just in the air there – the extremely muggy, feel-like-you-ought-to-be-wearing-goggles air.

It’s in the soft, gentile smiles of the ladies – especially the one on the bride’s face. She was a stunning bride.

It’s definitely in the seemingly unprovoked exclamation of “Hoddy Toddy! Hoddy Toddy!” from the swarm of Ole Miss alumni running around – they were almost as plentiful as the mosquitoes at this party.

It’s just a kinder, softer more laid-back demeanor than any I’ve ever seen before.

We’re laid back in Texas, but it’s not the same.

We’re proud to be Texan! Ask us where we’re from and you’ll probably be sorry you did. You better hope you have a lot of time on your hands.

But you don’t have to ask these people where they’re from – they have Mississippi written all over them.

It’s like a different world. Things are simpler. Things are easier.

Now I know things are not always simple or easy for these people – especially in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

But from what I can see, it’s an attitude that’s always surrounding them – everything is going to be OK.

I hope I came back to Texas with more than just Mississippi Delta mosquito bites.

I hope I came back with a little bit of that “everything is going to be OK” medicine in my heart.

Heaven knows I could use a little bit.

It truly is healing.

i wrote this last september after my good friends natalie and damion brown got married. their one-year anniversary is nine days away on sept. 17. consider this an early anniversary celebration. despite the mosquitoes, it was a great time. their friendship continues to be a good time as well.

on a lighter note...

...good game to start the NFL season. 28-17 world-champion steelers. good fourth quarter. i really, really wish troy polamalu would cut his hair. or tie it up in his helmet. so gross.

frustrated.

if you've been listening, you know i'm living with my mom. her house is as beautiful as it is large. i really am grateful to be getting to live here free while we (attempt to) save for the baby. it really is a blessing.

but all the stuff i have access to is shoved into this, oh, 15-by-15 bedroom. and basically that's clothes, a lot of papers (some of which are probably overdue bills) and various baby things i'm slowly collecting. the closets are too small for all our stuff. one of them is basically full with my jackets alone. so.. and if you know me, you aren't surprised, there is a large amount of junk on the floor. to the point where me and my fat pregnant belly can't get through the dang door because there's so much stacked up behind it. we try to put things away or make dirty clothes piles or just cram things into the bottom of the closets just to have a little walking around space. but the second landon needs a shirt for work, he pulls everything all out, and it's all over the place again. not that i blame him.. it's just... annoying. the whole thing is annoying.

then there's the bathroom. also tiny. and covered in doc's food and water dishes, our crap and a myriad of dirty clothes. i can't get into it when landon's inside with the door closed because there's no where for the door to open without slamming into him.

i don't have any of my dishes. my own kitchen. any of my furniture. any of my things. and i don't like it. most of it is in a POD-like portable storage box somewhere. and the rest is stuffed in the garage. none of the things in the garage are being used. just sitting there, collecting dust, trying to endure the heat.

and to top it off, my mom really needs to move out of this house. the money situation is not so hot, and it'd really be helpful to be out. but it's got to sell. with our living situation. and three dogs. and everyone working, going to school and trying to just exist. it sucks.

people grate on your nerves much easier when you're living with them in tight, messy living quarters without any of your own things. believe me. i know.

november cannot come soon enough. what month is it? september...

i'm tired.

beautiful baby suri.

i don't usually get too into the celebrity gossip and was not one of the millions breathlessly anticipating the first photos of baby suri (of tom cruise and katie holmes), but this child is absolutely gorgeous. look at her hair. and her eyes. i mean, like amy said last night, "was anyone expecting that those two would produce anything but a beautiful baby?" no.. but my goodness. precious. i just pray she doesn't grow up to be as nutso as her daddy. here's hoping.

an update.

the offending pink, travel coffee mug has been removed from quarantine this afternoon. the fate of the mug should be decided shortly.

so far, things are not looking good. say a short prayer as you go about your evening activities. the mold-scarred mug thanks you.

three weeks from now.

exactly three weeks from tonight it will be another monday.

hopefully i will already be in bed at 10:40 like i am tonight. hopefully it will be raining like it is tonight. hopefully my tummy won't hurt like it does right now because i will not have eaten hot cheetos.

but even if none of those things happen, it will be a monumental night. a night like none other i have ever experienced or ever will again.

next monday night, i will fall asleep in this bed, next to this handsome man, and i will know whether my first child will be a boy or a girl. next monday at 2:45 we have a doctor's appointment for our 20-week sonogram. i'll be able to see my baby on that screen.

i know i'll cry either way. i'll be overjoyed either way.

next monday i'll know whether to dream in pink or in blue.