Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Monday, June 12, 2006

an addition.

so if you've been keeping up, you'll notice i haven't blogged since last tuesday. the reason for that being wednesday my life changed forever.

on wednesday morning at 9:30 a.m., two little pink lines showed up to announce the most unexpected (and terribly unplanned for) announcement: i'm pregnant.

yep, that's right. prego. me. sarah. 23 years old. married for eight months. and just starting the "we have dreams" timeline.

things are completely thrown off. but i'm elated.

we have no money for a baby. (or a house. or diapers. or food. or a crib.) but i know God will provide!

this is our last nine months together alone. but after this, there'll be an angel among us!

oh, and then there's the fact that at molly's wedding in october i will now be four months pregnant, and we had to emergency-style change the dress size i ordered. i'm praying it will work.

and i'll be pregnant on my first anniversary.

and will it hurt? do i want natural birth? or all the drugs my baby and i can handle? will cleaning up the huge mess my dog made in his crate last night expose me to germs that could hurt the raisin-sized fetus growing inside me right now? can i really last three months of being this tired? check that...can i really last the next 18 years being this tired? will my caffeine withdraw ever go away? will i get enough vitamins? can i afford the right kind of crib? what if i get the wrong one? what if...what if i can't do this?

like i told nat, it's like my thoughts about this whole thing are so jumbled together that i can't even seperate them in order to evaluate them individually.

my friend amy is going to be pregnant with me - her second baby. that's comforting. we were over at her house last night, and she was talking about how she and dave are celebrating their seventh anniversary this july. seventh!

oh, we did this way too early... this isn't how we meant it to happen.

pastor gerald always says, "you may have been a surprise to your parents, but you weren't a surprise to God."

so for now, all i can do is trust God knew this little one was coming, and that along the way, He'll give me what i need to make it through each day. because as far as i can tell, i don't already have it.

but God never called anyone to anything great when they already had the tools. He asked them for their faithfulness, and after they accepted the assignment, He equipped them day-by-day.

i know this baby isn't as monumental as the virgin birth of the Savior, or moses leading the people out of egypt or david defeating goliath. but in each of those cases, God made the miracle.

and He made this one. so He'll see me through it. He has to.

i don't have a doctor's appointment until june 28. by then i'll be eight weeks, and we'll be able to see the baby's heartbeat in our first sonogram. or the babies' heartbeats. the days are crawling until then.

but i know they'll fly by, and baby will be crawling soon enough.

God please grant me what i need, whatever that may be.

in the meantime, be prepared for this blog to be transformed into a running train-of-thought diary from a young mom-to-be who hasn't got a clue what she's doing.

oh, and the nursery up there is the one i want. but i'll never have it. that crib is $700. it is why our "we have dreams" timeline had us saving $9,000 for the baby's nursery and expenses...four years from now. ask me how much we have saved for a baby right now. actually...don't.

1 comment:

Natalie said...

oh honey. this blog helps me see how you're feeling right now. and you're right, everything will be fine. no one is ever really prepared for such a monumental event. but you have all that this baby really needs, love, faith and hope... and friends and family who adore you and that tiny raisin inside you. will it be hard, yes, will you cry, yes, will you question the timing, yes, but will you love this baby more than life itself. yes.