christmas 2011.

nearly every photo from christmas morning at my gramma's house is grainy, blurry & yellow. and yet, i am madly in love with every single one. my favorite is noticing the smiles of my family members in the background of photos of my children. how blessed am i.

music: "a marshmallow world" by brenda lee & "the first noel" by laura caviani

truth in the tinsel: day 8, 9, 10, 11 & 12.

day 8: zechariah said Jesus would "shine like the sun"
day 9: joseph
day 10: joseph's pillow; he heard from the angel in a dream
day 11: Jesus, Immanuel - "God with us"
day 12: joseph and a pregnant mary traveled to bethleham for the census,
surrounded by people they didn't know during an already scary time.

grace.

i'm adding music to the old ipod shuffles we're filling for the kids for their christmas presents. i have ellie's full, and i'm testing it to be sure everything loaded. the second song to play is from this album, the one that played while i was in labor with lylah. a swirl of feelings come over me as i remember these peaceful lullabies laden with scripture playing the soundtrack to one of the hardest, most intense things i've ever done.

and i think of how God's grace is like that everyday: ever-present through our highest highs and our lowest lows.

HE IS NEVER ABSENT FROM US.

no. matter. what.

grace surrounds. always. a soundtrack to each breath, no matter how ragged or labored. He hears every cry.

a book recommendation on the topic (+ others): one thousand gifts. it will change your life.

truth in the tinsel: day 7.

decorated cds to symbolize mary's singing in worship to God.

truth in the tinsel: day 6.

(mary & elizabeth. the circles are their pregnant tummies.)

truth in the tinsel: day 5.

(mary. twice.)

truth in the tinsel: day 4.

(the angel gabriel.)

truth in the tinsel: day 3.

(zechariah.)

truth in the tinsel: day 2.

no, lylah didn't make one.

(she was sleeping.)

ellie's bff from joy school, noelle, came over today.

we gave her the honor of tearing off today's link.

nothin' like watching paint dry, i always say.

(he was mad that he had to be done with the paintbrush.)

truth in the tinsel: day 1

we're doing the truth in the tinsel advent devotional this december. go buy it. it's awesomeness.

see that paper chain to the left? that's our advent countdown.

thank goodness we started counting down.

we put the tree up thanksgiving evening, and ellie's been asking e-ver-y day

whether tomorrow is christmas. um. no.

again. yay for the chain.

don't touch the hurt.

it's black friday, and i'm feeling pretty melancholy. i'm not out shopping, though i have been perusing the internet a bit for christmas gifts. i've been decorating for christmas, no one has to work, my babies are napping beautifully on this cloudy day. thanksgiving leftovers abound, including nanny's to-die-for chocolate pie.

so what is it?

*****

grayson hurt his ankle on monday night while running around mamo's house with ellie and michael david. he has not walked since. he has bouts of fussiness, but he's been happy quite a bit, too. he crawls or scoots around, but has not walked a step since he hurt it. it took us awhile to figure out it was his ankle. he wasn't being specific about where it hurt, and there wasn't any noticeable bruising or swelling until yesterday when his little ankle started to turn black and blue.

while we were trying to figure out what was wrong, we would apply pressure in various places on his leg, turning his joints ever so slightly to gauge his reaction.

at one point, he said, "don't touch the hurt, mama!" before starting to cry.

i have to admit that before there was any visible injury, it was starting to drive me nuts that gray wouldn't walk. i couldn't see anything wrong, and he wasn't articulating the problem. understandable. he's three. nonetheless, i was frustrated.

and then, the Holy Spirit.

"see, child? you are like he."

and i see it. God reaches into my life, applying pressure, turning joints, and i scream out, "don't touch the hurt!" i don't want to go through the process of identifying the problem. i just want to cry. i want to be upset that my life is not perfect instead of going through the pains of healing it.

remaining bent and on my knees, crawling through days, seems easier than exploring the holdup, stretching out to walk.

but healing does not come without work, without risking momentary pain. stepping out with unsure footing is required.

luckily, Jesus is faithful to meet me. He catches me and sets me upright.

"then in their trouble they called to the Lord, and he saved them from their distress. He healed them with his command and saved them from the grave."
-psalm 107:19-20

*****

i think i'm sad today because no matter how much healing the Lord does, i will not be completely whole until i am in His presence. christmas commercials and even christmas music depict this magical happiness that should suddenly sprout forth because thanksgiving has passed. and i am certainly filled with joy at all the blessings that have been poured out on me. there are too many to count. but the perfection is not there. not yet. i'm still missing something. Someone.

someday His touch will reach every last ounce of hurt, brokenness, loneliness. crawling will not be an option, walking effortless.

no Christmas lights required.

until then, this bandaged soul limps on.

christmas 2010.

christmas eve, before church.

christmas morning, home.

christmas afternoon, mamo & pa's house.