Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

always look at the bright side.

there is a bowl of black beans sitting on my counter at home. they have been there since we had dinner last night. there are also plates that have yet to be scraped, let alone rinsed and washed. the hall bathroom is a mess because i didn't pick it up after the kids had a bath. laundry is mounting. toys are strewn, to say the least, through every inch of the house. i have a yearbook deadline looming and the writing TAKS is six days from today. ellie is doing well on medication (for strep and scarlet fever), but now gray seems to be teetering on the edge of sick. baby three is interested only in kicking the direction of my bladder. as in, she karate chops it constantly. i am tired, and landon has an out of town birthday golf trip this weekend.

it is moments like these that cause me to lose it. my typical mo is to get very emotional and snappy and lethargic. the sound of people's voices is enough to make me crazy. i am constantly shushing and redirecting and "get-out-of-here!"-ing. instead of tackling one thing on the to-do list, i am frozen in inaction. which, not surprisingly, causes the problem to compound.

luckily, i'm beginning to recognize when this type of stress starts to creep into my mind.

i was texting the babysitter about how tragic the house was during lunch, and as i was apologizing for the bowl of beans (among other things), it occured to me, "hey! i cooked dinner last night! i had an organized plan complete with available groceries, and i cooked a yummy, healthy, quick dinner last night. go me!" then i started thinking, "also...the bathroom is messy, but the kids had a bath! they are clean and sweet-smelling! that's good news."

i got back from grabbing a bite a bit early, and i resisted going back inside my classroom to stare at my computer and piles of papers once again. instead, i sat in the car, windows rolled down, warm breeze blowing on my skin. i was still for a moment. i thought about how, yes, there was much to do, but life was still moving. children eating, learning, playing, growing. laundry will eventually get done. the yearbook will get submitted. the floors will get mopped. some day.

and ultimately, God is on the throne.

i don't necessarily think i'm learning to handle my stress surges but am more so learning that this urgent stuff isn't what's most important. of course, it's a process, and i frustratingly often find myself already frayed before i remember to chill and seek peace. but it's getting better. and for that i am thankful. my job is simply to take step-after-step, confident that the Navigator is ever on course.

"do not be anxious in anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

-philippians 4:6-7

1 comment:

Wendy said...

I'm having a particularly hard time with patience during this pregnancy. I'm just trying to ride it out until the baby comes. I understand if you're feeling overwhelmed. Glad you're finding ways to overcome.