thoughts. and an "already pretty" poll.

i wrote in my train of thought post from awhile back that i've been playing with clothes a lot lately. that trend continues. in playing with clothes, i am, obviously, looking at my body. as has been my custom since adolescence (along with every woman, everywhere, right?), i am less-than-thrilled with my body most every time i look at it. how different has my body been from age 12 to age 27? ridiculously. how different will my body be from 27 to 42? ridiculously. the one constant is my discontent.

today, it's a less-than-flat tummy (always, always, always), the cowlick on the back of my head that gives me an eternal flat spot in my hair and blindingly pale legs in my first tightless/leggingless skirt of the season. oh, and i see spider veins in my legs. you'd have to be on top of my leg to see them, but i can see them. all too clearly. my own personal neon sign of imperfection.

we have a family photo shoot coming up, and, as always, i am anxiety-ridden. i just know that i will look fat, dorky and ridiculous. honestly, i would rather just have pictures made of the kids because then i don't have to endure the stress.

i waste so much energy on this kind of thing. i really do. and i am doing such a disservice to hone in on a silly cowlick, of all things, instead of looking at myself as a whole, a work in progress inside and out. it's a disservice to myself, to my children, to my husband and to God. thinking this way brings about despair, which brings about poor choices and wasted time. a vicious cycle.

i am tired of wasting time.

through my most recent play with fashion, i've found several style bloggers that feature attainable ensembles in terms of budget and body shape. i love them! on one in particular, i saw a post with an "already pretty" poll. the blogger posted her five favorite things about her body and invited her readers to do the same in the comments.

i am going to copy her.

i want to stop focusing on the imperfect. because it's not going away. instead, i will focus on the things i like about my body, the things it can do. i have been and will continue to focus on working toward practices that aid in my appreciation for this temple i have been given by God, practical ways of taking care of it.

ultimately, it's not about body love, but body acceptance and respect so that i can be free to focus on what's important. because spending hours staring at my flaws is not important. it's causing me to miss what's important. and that's not cool.

so, without further ado, my "already pretty" list:

1.) my body can carry and nurture children. it is an undertaking that is not without scars, but what could be more beautiful than a body that can sustain another body?

2.) my eyelashes are long and dark.

3.) my ankles are slender, and i like the way most any shoe looks on my foot.

4.) i can rock short hair confidently.

5.) my hands work hard for me while still being lovely. i can use them to type super fast, hold my husband's hand, bake, change diapers, display pretty rings, touch soft baby skin, express emotion while talking, cover my face for laughing so hard, wipe away tears -- mine and anyone else's, and, this is my favorite, raise in praise to my Jesus.

won't you play along? tell me your "already pretty" list.

it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

that somewhere is here, the only place i wanna be at 5 o'clock these days. sweet, sweet babies are such a joy to come home to after a long day.

right now.

my students are creating TAKS-tone-word flashcards.

see? love these.

dictionary practice is good!

also, my desk is messy...

...i'm loving my new name badge because it means i don't have to embroider every shirt i want to wear to work...

...i'm stressing about yearbook...

...sixth grade teachers are enjoying the weather with wide open classroom doors...

...my students are catching on that i'm taking photos.

hope your tuesday is lovely!

weekend love.

a star in the making.

i'm officially starting a series.

i'm calling it: who needs toys? mixing bowls and wooden spoons. bottles full of dry macaroni. and today, curtains. in the evening sun. sigh. longing for summer like woah.






yes, grayson is wearing nemo pj pants. with pink trim. that were/are ellie's. whatev.

goodbye, spring break.

cows grazing. somewhere along highway 206.

a decorative ranch gate. somewhere along highway 206.

ellie and her friend, static electricity. on the road.

gray starring in a study of complimentary colors. in coleman.

poor attempt at a photo with mama. in coleman.

a rusted gutter. in coleman.

on the way back to the real world. how many days 'til summer?

because train of thought posts are few and far between these days.

i'm going to dallas tomorrow. just me and the kids. i'm pretty pumped. trips to dallas are always filled with shopping -- whether or not we buy much -- and eating and talking and laughing and staying up late and all that great stuff. oh! and i'm getting my hair cut (haircut? hairs cut?) by my fabulous dallas stylist that i still cannot find a replacement for two-and-a-half years later.

landon is on a mission trip with the chi alpha folks in south texas to help fix up a terminally ill pastor's home. it's very cool that he gets to go, but, alas, here i am, avoiding bed because he's not here. hence this stab at a post.

i have officially discovered a tank top i love. it's target's mossimo microrib scoop tank. not too low, just long enough, super soft, not too tight, not too loose, lots of colors and on and on. the reviews of it online are great. i bought a coral-colored one today. because, according to my sources, coral is an "in" color for spring 2010. i know you're giving me the "did-you-really-just-write-about-a-$9-tank-top-and-how-coral-is-in" look right now. i told you this was train of thought. didn't say my thoughts were interesting. feel free to stop reading at any time if you disapprove of my choo-choo. (oh, yes, i did.)

today is my grandmother's 85th birthday! holy cow! she reads this blog (though she prefers when i post pictures of the babies to posts like these). so, hello, grandmother! happy birthday! i love you!

i think my children are conspiring to alternate days on which they choose not to nap. monday it was grayson. yesterday it was ellie. today they both napped pretty well, but i just rocked gray to sleep. at 11:15. in the nighttime. ellie will probably pop up at my bedside at 4:30 a.m. trying to convince me that "it's sunny, mommy! let's watch sprout and eat pancake cereal* and juice!"

i love my diane birch pandora station. still. it's such a bonus that it plays brooke fraser. love that aussie.

i've been playing with my clothes a lot lately (yes, back to fashion, sorry), and i found what i think is a pretty cute take on the pattern mixing trend. i have this red skirt with a smallish floral print that kylah gave me. it's pretty long and prairie-ish looking (another trend). i put it together with a navy blue and white nautical striped t-shirt with a wide red belt at the seam of the two garments. and for my feet, cognac-brown riding boots. does this need a photo to be helpful? it really is cute. i promise. anyway, when i was playing with it earlier, the zipper on the skirt decided to break. dangit. good thing i'm going to gramma's this weekend.

there is some extremely exciting investigative work happening on behalf of our family right now. on the other side of the world. i am anticipatory and cautious at once. that's all i can say about that. don't you love it when people do that? so sorry! you'll just have to keep reading my blog for the next three years -- at least -- to see if i ever reveal the secret. how's that for a hook? at least i didn't leave you wondering if i'm pregnant. i'm not. fyi.

i'm pretty good at totally forgetting school when i'm on vacation. my students took a test on friday before break, and i told them i would NOT be grading it until the sunday night before we start back. so they need not check gradebook to see if it's posted. 'cause it isn't. and i haven't thought about it once. then one of my students showed up youth group tonight. i was awkwardly surprised. "jack**!!! ohmygosh, hi! wow! hi! how ARE you?!" he was all totally averting eye contact and desperate for an escape. i'm such a dork. at least i had on a cool tank top. coral, no less. totally spring 2010.

OK, i think i'll wrap up this train wreck. i'm going to power hour the house and the suitcase (for tomorrow's dallas trip -- woohoo!) and then hit the hay. does anyone else say that? hit the hay? my mom says that. i don't really get it. do people sleep in hay and say that? is that, like, a throw back from straw-stuffed beds or something?

i digress...

*what ellie renamed honey nut cherrios. i guess she thinks they taste like pancakes.
**name changed to protect the innocent. poor jack*. he's probably scarred from my spaz out.

ellie's first barbie.

auntie jo has launched ellie into a little girl rite of passage with the gift of her first barbie. oh-so-appropriately, she is "teacher barbie." teacher barbie sat in her box for a couple of days while i worked up the courage to introduce tiny barbie shoes to my list of things for which to be responsible. i tried just hiding the shoes and telling ellie she didn't have shoes. um, no. she knew there were shoes. black ones. high heels. so, this morning, in honor of the starts of spring break, we broke teacher barbie out. shoes and all.

(in an equally important rite of passage, little brother is already trying to steal, kill and destroy barbie. notice the tiny barbie shoe in his right hand. ah! how long until g.i. joe starts bombing barbie's fashion shows?)

block printing: an experiment, a gift.

after school i bought supplies for a block printing project for my art class, and i decided to test the process. i made this print for christal for her 30th birthday (those jelly beans were for her too). the carving is printed on a very stiff acrylic paint paper allowing it to stand up nicely on its own. i thought it would be sweet propped on a bookshelf somewhere. i might be extremely addicted to block printing now. even the crudest carving looks cool. i'll keep you posted on the kids' project. if my vision comes to fruition, it should be pretty impressive.

first day of ballet: my kid is a cutter.

ellie had her first day of baby ballet at the san angelo civic ballet this afternoon. she has been waiting patiently for her class (actually called "creative movement") to start. perfectly precious in pink shoes, tights, leotard and ballet skirt, she was a vision! but don't let the graceful look fool you. when i asked her teacher how she did (we aren't allowed to watch -- ack!) she said, "ellie wanted to take every turn. she kept skipping to the front of the line." eesh... she isn't shy, that's for sure.

oh, ellie. how i love the little girl you're becoming. perfect just the way God made you. eager to live life to the fullest.

ellie's room on ohdeedoh!

ellie's big girl room is featured on design blog apartment therapy's ohdeedoh today! ohdeedoh is a prolific site full of posts about children's design, solutions and home hacks. most of the inspiration for ellie's room came from ohdeedoh. here are a few screen captures of the site with her room feature, and you can go here to see for yourself. i am ecstatic!

song of the day: something beautiful.