Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i type this with the heaviest of all eyelids.

i have been hired as a long-term sub for the remainder of the year. in a spanish classroom that was teacher-less because the guy they had was so bad they fired him in the middle of the year with no backup plan. he was apparently a terrible bully and has been gloating for years that he fails the majority of his students. i don't think that's the point, buddy. teach them; don't crush them under your thumb and laugh an evil laugh. i'm not even a teacher, and i know that. i'm at a high school that's 40 minutes away from my house. with a full, seven-period day. with no lesson plans.

sleepy. exhausted. dog-tired.

i have a minor in spanish, which means i was the most qualified person they could locate on such short notice.

i have more to write about this, but i truly cannot form thoughts coherent enough to convey anything helpful. but because i feel strangely like i owe you, internet, an explanation of major changes in my life, i'm going to type random phrases associated with my feelings about this situation.
  • i want to nurse my baby.
  • i want my baby to learn NOT to nurse every two hours at night.
  • i need more sleep.
  • eating relaxes me and makes pumping profitable.
  • eating every time i pump is not profitable for my weight-loss goals.
  • is pumping in the car in a high school parking lot weird?
  • is pumping while driving illegal? does the answer to that question change when the driving is on a super straight road where i see one car every 10 minutes?
  • 40 miles feels like a road trip. i always get snacks on road trips.
  • two road trips a day times however many days are left in the school year equals lots and lots of snacks.
  • too many snacks.
  • i'm not fluent in spanish. i *think* i can convey basic concepts, which is all i'm being asked to do.
  • the kids have not retained any spanish they've learned so far this year. should i start from the beginning?
  • i want to teach writing.
  • i want to make the most of this opportunity.
  • i like the kids a lot.
  • changing careers is exhausting. lots of paperwork and procedure and complicated blah.
  • all the kids have district-issued macbook laptops. their books are on their laptops in .pdf files. super cool.
  • i love the junior high kids the most. i have one class of them. eighth-graders. they're smart. and participatory. talkative, but engaged. i just like j. high kids the best. weird, i know.
  • i really miss my babies during the day. they're so far away. and i come home, am with them for three hours, their fussiest of the day, then they're asleep. doesn't seem quite right.
  • it has been confirmed that gray nurses mostly for comfort. i've left him bottles that i've worried would not contain enough milk. he's never finished all the bottles. stinkin' mama's boy.
  • is this an answer to prayer? the esther study seemed to speak most directly to a specific issue of provision in my life, and, without any forethought, i prayed that i was believing God for an answer to my mentioned-many-times problem in the last week of the study. it ended tuesday. thursday this principal called me from out...of...the...blue.
  • but it's so complicated. could this be the Lord when there are so many loose ends flapping?
  • landon said "God's blessings don't always come wrapped in pretty packages."
  • but i'm so tired! pretty packages are less exhuasting.
  • crystal and jenny both found someone for their kids rather quickly. i had mine worked out pretty darn fast too. is He tying up the loose ends?
  • i'm so tired!
  • did i mention i'm tired?
  • tired is an understatement.
  • pray, people.
  • pray.

5 comments:

Sara_Smiles said...

n-kay... get ready.

I don't know if pumping in the car is illegal... but I've been known (for a couple of months) to do just that... and NOT on a 40 minute drive.

There was the freshman 15 in college and also the freshman 15 in teaching... that's that thing they never tell you about.

We want you to teach writing, too.

THIS is a great stepping-stone opportunity. Just enough experience to count...

Only *us* crazies like the middle school agers... we MUST be looney.

I would say, YES, HE is working on getting your *loose* ends tied up for those aforementioned provisions in your life.

Oh, and, you can sleep in the summer... don't you know?! :) Good luck the rest of this week. You are A M A Z I N G!!!

Natalie said...

I think this is a great opportunity for you! Damion says he knows a great Spanish teacher and if you would like advice/lesson plans, etc. he will get you her email address.

Take this and run with it - impress them like I know you will and it will open doors. They always need Spanish teachers and English teachers, and if you make yourself invaluable you can choose your courseload in upcoming years. Teaching is exhausting no matter the situation. Every day is a whole new ballgame and there's no way to prepare. Just roll with it. Take the drive time to try to relax. I know you miss your babies but how great would it be for you to be able to work full time but to have summers off with them for the rest of their school careers? (not that raising babies isnt a full time job. it sooooo is.) Think of all the stuff you'll have to write about now! Do this job, soak it all in and let's write a teaching book together. Be strong and know you're doing a job very few can do with love and inspiration. I'll be thinking of you and I'm here for you if you ever need advice/help/someone to cry with about how ridiculous high school kids are at times. Much love.

marme said...

baby girl, what great advice these girls have given you.

both made me cry.

i am so proud of you...so proud.

You have conquered so much with Jesus by your side and you will conquer this. He wants you to succeed.

I love you.

You ARE a great teacher.

cassandra sagan webb said...

Welcome to teaching. Each and every day is exhausting if you're doing it right. Praying for you.

And yes, I would say this is God's provision, most definitely. Landon's right.

sharonippolito said...

Sarah, I'm so happy for you and jealous at the same time that this opportunity fell into your lap! I'm still trying to break into teaching via the alt certification route and its so far not successful. I hope this opens your door to teach writing!