i've been wondering, do you think the memories of our pregnancies and deliveries really are erased so that there's a possibility of baby-making past child No. 1?
i definitely do not remember ellie moving the way gray does, like he's ready to bust out of my skin 24 hours a day. ellie moved alright, but it wasn't like this. it was way more delicate and gentle and scheduled. but, maybe i'm just forgetting.
what i'm really wondering is whether the PAIN of the final EIGHT WEEKS has been erased from my memory. or if this time really is different.
i did nothing yesterday. nothing. and still i was so exhausted by the end of the day. my back HURTS! really low. almost my butt. and some days there's some sort of nerve pain (i don't think it's sciatica after all...did some research) that just sits at the very base of my back all day. it's irritating, but the worst part is when i stand up and bend to do something, shift my weight or just plain step wrong and it send shooting pain that makes me catch my breath.
i'm not trying to whine here. but i am. i'm sorry.
i remember that i was uncomfortable and big last time, but i don't remember specific pain like this. am i just forgetting?
it hurts so bad that i don't do anything. and then i'm more pissed 'cause i'm not doing anything. and it's just a bad situation all around.
this morning, however, thank God, the nerve pain seems to be gone for the time being. maybe it depends on the position of the baby, and sometime in the night he danced away from wherever it is. my back still aches. my belly still gets annoyingly tight if i do anything on my feet for any period of time. but the surprise, shooting pain is not here so far.
i think i might get some laundry done.
laundry and doing the dishes?
mmm.. that might be pushing it.
JUST COME OUT GRAY! I'M READY!
i'm ready for a squishy belly and prepared for questions for the next, ahem, several months about when i'm due even though i'm holding you. i'm prepared to nurse and deal with ellie's possible jealousy and stay up with you at night and be swollen and...
OK. maybe you can stay in. just stay off my nerve!