**WARNING: crazy talk.** the need to please.

i have this inherhent need to please everyone.

it's something i must overcome, but so far, in my 23 years, i have not been able to.

i want to please everyone from complete strangers to those closest to me. and i end up getting myself into compromising situations because of it.

i want to please people who've hurt me. people who've disappointed me. people who don't deserve to be pleased.

i also want to please people who love me, cherish me and deserve to be pleased.

i have this feeling of desperation and panic and sadness when i cannot please people. and it happens. because i cannot please everyone.

i don't know how to distinguish between who i should please or when i should please them. because what pleases me is to please others and so based on that, i always lose somehow. i don't know any other criteria to base it on.

and to be honest, i think half of the problem is in my head. i don't know if the people i feel i'm disappointing are really as disappointed as i perceive them to be.

and then sometimes it seems i can explain the problem well enough to myself that it appears this is just a selfish weakness i have in which i am made to feel important and needed when i please people and receive their praise.

there must be an answer to this. i have yet to tap into it.

in the meantime, i'm feeling like a disappointment to at least one person right now. probably two or three or four...