i'm having a day.

babies have been crying. cutting teeth and wanting to eat. dirty diapers, spit up, temper tantrums and blantant disobedience. i'm exhausted after running around all day yesterday and cleaning like a maniac until 10:30 or so. i'm wishing i had more brain space to focus on the fact that a baby is coming. it'd also be nice to have more wallet space as well. as i've said before, i'm pretty set on buying a bassinet for our room. only it seems that all affordable bassinets must have a minimum of four tiers of fabric, ruffles and more cutesy detailing than me and my baby can handle. do people put boys in these things? my favorite ones cost anywhere from $400 to $600. right. i also plan to get a very basic changing table (with room for baskets) and some type of rocking/gliding/bouncing chair to go in our room. i love wal-mart and ikea. but there's just something carnal inside me this afternoon that is wishing i could just pick it all out from pottery barn kids and not think twice about the price. i mostly just need to sit on my back porch in the sun and be happy with the day the Lord has made. the kids are sleeping now so i just might do it. i've been feeling like an unshowered, sweats wearing, headache bearing, fatigue fighting cave dweller today. i know there's some lovely sun outside the walls of my cave. i'm gonna go out there and remember that all my baby needs is me. i often reference "the old days" of no doctors or anesthesia or bassinets or closets full of baby clothes. the idea fascinates me. sometimes i wish i'd just get crazy and revert. maybe i won't buy a single thing for this baby, and just sew him clothes out of scraps of dish towels or something. would he be any less happy? sorry. i'm losing my mind again. out to the sun. pray it shines some perspective into my day.

edited later: amid my selfish wallowing, i insensitively made it sound like casen is a burden. that is the farthest thing from the truth. he is really very, very easy. and amazingly sweet. the combination of my teething child and swirling pregnancy hormones were what was threatening to push me over the edge this afternoon. i'm sorry, crystal. i hope i didn't hurt your feelings. it has been a blessing to take care of your son. it makes pretending like i'm not hoping (really hard) for one of my own even harder to pull off. :)