Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Friday, October 12, 2007

heart broken and bursting.

i just watched the tiny love of my life drive away. well, sorta.

i actually hugged my in-laws, kissed her and i had to walk away. i didn't actually watch them drive away. if i had, i think i would've pulled her back out of the car and said, "nevermind. she's not ready."

i think it goes without saying who's not ready.

it's our two-year anniversary on sunday. we're going to have this weekend to be "just us." so many times since ellie was born we've longed for the days of being just us -- sleeping in, movies, last-minute decisions to leave the house without having to be sure the diaper bag is packed.

in this moment, i would pack 400 diaper bags if i could have my baby with me.

on the other hand, i am so excited to spend this weekend with landon. i know he's excited too. he's been hugging and kissing me excitedly for the past 48 hours. i know we need this time. i know before there was ellie, there was me and landon. and after ellie leaves us to be an adult, it will be me and landon. we need to continue to nurture our relationship with weekends like this the whole time our kids are growing up.

but she's five hours away! i've never spent ONE night away from her! this will be THREE with her FIVE HOURS away.

but that insures that landon and i will be totally alone.

on sunday night -- our actual anniversary -- we're going to stay the night in the mansion hotel. i won a night's stay last year when i won the halloween costume contest at work. i was a chef with a bun in the oven. my tummy was painted like a cupcake.

i miss my cupcake. so bad. i haven't stopped crying.

i don't even know what landon and i are gonna do tonight! we could do anything! i bet he'll want to go to the movies. i can't wait to lay on his shoulder and feed him sour patch watermelons.

tomorrow we're probably going to go to the fair in the morning and early afternoon before church. any time i've been to a place like the fair, i've always imagined when i'd have a husband to walk around and hold hands with me. i can't wait to do that tomorrow.

oh, man.. i just looked at the newborn portraits of ellie.

fresh tears.

but i'm focusing on the one of our rings on her toes.

ellie needs her mommy and daddy to be in love. she needs us to be husband and wife and then her parents.

this weekend is needed. i can't believe the greatest man on earth has been mine for two whole years.

i can't believe we made a baby together.

let's just pray we don't make another one this weekend!!!!


Adam said...

Pam and I took a weekend trip to Schlitterbahn for our 5 year anniversary. It was the first time we had left the girls for a weekend and for the first 3 hours of the trip we were sad and quite but once we stopped and ate and realized we were alone and could do whatever we wanted, well it was really alot of fun. Don't worry she's in good hands and I'm sure yall will find something to do without her around ;) Happy 2nd you two hope to see you soon.

La said...

Leaving them doesn't get too much easier, I hate to tell you. It is fun to be kidless every once and a while though. I'm horrible to go in and smell their sweet things and lay me head on their little pillows. =( Don't do that! Just have fun and get lots of sleep and whatever else you've been missing.

I think Ellie wants a little brother though. =)

Scruggs Family said...

Oh. Joy. Ellie gets to spend time with her grandparents and you and Landon get to spend time alone with each other. Wishing you a happy, happy second anniversary!!!

marme said...

Well, I'm sad your sad but I'm happy I'm happy! I promise ellie misses her mommy and daddy alot but she is putting on a good front from grama and pa. being tough for the old folks. we are having the time of our lives!


beautiful chaos said...

Happy Anniversary!
Isn't it funny that sometimes you sit around thinking about how much easier a trip to the grocery store would be alone... then when they're gone - it's all you can do to keep it together?!?!?!?!
Well, the world is your oyster!
Have fun on your weekend together!