i've been doing a lot of self analysis lately, it seems. it's exhausting really. but i believe it's one of those things young adults go through as they try to figure out how to be functioning members of society. or maybe i'm alone in this. i'll just pretend the former is the norm.
yeah. so..self analysis. with landon's help, i've determined that i inhereted my dad's tendency to worry over whether little things are done, in order, under control, on time. while at the same time, i inhereted my mom's tendency to, um, shall we say, let little things go for the sake of more important things.
i mean, think about it. if i'm constantly disturbed by chaos, but am wired to live in chaos, how could anything BUT insanity ensue?
just thinking about it makes me tired.
i WISH i was good at maintaining routines. i think maintaining routines would benefit my well-being. but i can't quite seem to get on top of everything in order to establish said routines.
i am really great at making long-term, all-encompassing plans. everything is going to be perfect if we do a, b and c. but my problem lies in that a, b and c take a long time to complete, and day-to-day i just don't see any progress.
and i need progress, dangit!
then i just get discouraged. i suppose you could chalk it up to a lack of follow through.
i talked it out with landon (got THAT from mom), and i realized that i have been keeping ellie's room clean for the past week. (goal no. 324: be a better housekeeper), and i stayed in our budget for brian's shower gift and eliminated the expense of wrapping paper and a card by using things i already had at home (goal no. 933: be disciplined in the budget and goal no. 247: be resourceful with the TONS of stuff i already own).
so i think if i can focus on the little things that are changing, i can maintain momentum until the day when things are where i want them.
i know you're laughing. i know you're thinking, "the day things are where she wants them... ha! doesn't she know? that day will not exist until Jesus comes back."
but things HAVE to be better than this. i feel like there are 17 things, at this very moment, that should have been done three weeks ago.
sorry to be blah. this weekend was very exciting with the wedding and all. sometime i'll post about how kelly was one of the most beautiful brides ever in the history of mankind.
but for now, i'm blah.
every week i think, "i'm going to start out the week organized." and i never am. not once.
all i know is i'm tired of living in a constant state of catchup.
somethin's gotta give.