"trying" is the key word here. i feel the water creeping. it comes ever-closer to covering my head, sending me sputtering, flailing to failure on the cold, hard bottom of the pool.
my veritable lack of posting has been because, for the first time in her short six-month life, ellie is sick. i'd say i'll spare you the details, but i know you don't want me to.
what's worse is i think it's my fault.
after her six-month appointment last monday (aug. 13), the doctor said we could ramp up her solid food eating and spouted off a million-and-one things she could now start eating.
things had been peachy on sweet potatoes, squash, carrots and rice cereal before the appointment. i guess i was excited for the variety so i rushed out and bought 20 different kinds of food for her.
this week, though i gave her a couple feedings of each kind, i think i overdid it on the fruit.
my poor baby has had diarrhea for three days now. add on top of that a terrible yeast infection and killer diaper rash, and i'm the worst mom ever.
i know you all know what these conditions are like, but the screaming at every diaper change is about to send me over the edge. include the fact that diaper changes are coming at least once every 15 minutes, and you can understand my insanity.
needless to say, there hasn't been much accomplished around here.
i will say she has markedly improved since monday. much thanks to dr. smith's diaper rash cream. get it people, it's amazing.
so what with ellie's condition, i have slacked even more in my worst area of slacking: laundry and cleaning. ya'll are so sweet saying things about how leaving the mess is worth it, but i'm not buying it. your mess is like, 14 pairs of socks and a cup in the sink. i'm working with five clean loads of laundry that are really no longer clean because my dog has taken 12 naps on them from the time i pulled them out of the dryer and threw them on the couch. and we're talking 25 more loads to go spread out all over the bedroom floor. and we're talking about four dirty bottles and a half emptied dishwasher and a toilet in desperate need of cleaning and a stove taken apart because i planned to clean it, but i haven't and sticky counters dusted with formula and a kitchen table that hasn't seen a meal in months because it's covered in scrapbooking crap and bills that probably still need to be paid and a dog that needs a bath and the stand mixer that is still out from when i made chocolate chip cookies the other day.
hmm.. how did those FIVE DOZEN cookies already disappear?
and i'm eating ramen. because we're broke. and that could be a post longer than you've ever read. but i'll refrain.
and the teaching thing. i'm not getting a job for this year. that's for sure. and everyone i talk to says i should get certified in English too because that'd help me get a position since there are so many more openings. and "all i need" to be highly qualified in English is two upper-level literature courses. sounds easy enough. wrong. upper level means i have to apply and be admitted to grad school. community college is not an option here. i want to get a masters degree, but is that insanity with everything else going on? just the application leaves me exhausted. references, recommendations, essays, transcripts, GREs, GMATs. ugh.
and it's too late to be admitted and start classes for the fall semester. but will i be done in time if i take spring classes to apply for English jobs for '08-'09? and can i find any that fit my schedule? masters classes aren't like English 101 that has 25 different section offerings. there is a Master of Liberal Arts at Dallas Baptist University that sounds perfect - only three course are required and the other 27 hours are whatever you want. but each credit hour is $508.
which brings me back to ramen.
it'd be a good weight loss plan, i guess.
all this, and my feet hurt.
it's hard to tread water when your feet hurt.