i get so worn out, so annoyed with myself for never quite making it. everyday i find myself falling short of what i wanted to be for the Lord, my husband, my daughter, my bosses, my friends...for myself.
and sometimes, like tonight, i break down.
i lay in bed and cry, listing the things i suck at and all the reasons why my life is too hard. the list is long, believe me.
it's frustrating to say every evening, "OK, tomorrow, i'm going to be better. things will be better."
because a lot of times i'm not. they're not. lots of times i'm worse. way worse.
but for some reason - after i have that break down, after i stomp around the house, pissed at everything and everyone - there is always something that leaps in my spirit.
and i feel like i can do it.
and when i really step back and look at things in the long-term, the Lord has brought me through so much.
i have gotten better.
day-to-day it's miniscule. but across the broad, only partially painted canvas that is my life, these pieces are blending to be something lovely. a great and glorious work by the great and glorious King. and He still has so much work to do.
philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
tonight i'm soaking in that eternal spring of hope yet again. even while i mourn for the disappointments of the day, i can't help but feel the glimmer of good things to come rising up inside me.
the possibilites are just too exciting.
tomorrow i get to try again.
tomorrow He will pour out His mercies upon me once again.
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4 comments:
I needed that. I had that night yesterday.....Thanks. =)
you are such a wonderful writer. thank you for opening yourself and sharing that. it's amazing how in the most depressing of circumstances, His hands are there to wrap you up. He will always remind us of His love and our potential through His power.
thank you, Jesus, for all that you have done and are doing for my sister. i know that her future rests in your more than capable hands. please take care of her every need. thank you again for bringing her into this family. i love her so much.
line upon line, precept upon precept...
i am so thankful that every morning we wake up to "another chance". no matter how disappointing we are or think we are, He wraps us in His arms and embraces us again and again.
what a wonderful God!
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