i get so worn out, so annoyed with myself for never quite making it. everyday i find myself falling short of what i wanted to be for the Lord, my husband, my daughter, my bosses, my friends...for myself.
and sometimes, like tonight, i break down.
i lay in bed and cry, listing the things i suck at and all the reasons why my life is too hard. the list is long, believe me.
it's frustrating to say every evening, "OK, tomorrow, i'm going to be better. things will be better."
because a lot of times i'm not. they're not. lots of times i'm worse. way worse.
but for some reason - after i have that break down, after i stomp around the house, pissed at everything and everyone - there is always something that leaps in my spirit.
and i feel like i can do it.
and when i really step back and look at things in the long-term, the Lord has brought me through so much.
i have gotten better.
day-to-day it's miniscule. but across the broad, only partially painted canvas that is my life, these pieces are blending to be something lovely. a great and glorious work by the great and glorious King. and He still has so much work to do.
philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
tonight i'm soaking in that eternal spring of hope yet again. even while i mourn for the disappointments of the day, i can't help but feel the glimmer of good things to come rising up inside me.
the possibilites are just too exciting.
tomorrow i get to try again.
tomorrow He will pour out His mercies upon me once again.
Aiming for progress, not perfection.
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."