i've seen where she'll sleep.

tonight we got the keys to our new apartment. landon, matt and aaron moved in some of the stuff we had up at mom's house. we're staying the night in prosper tonight, but tomorrow we'll be in our own place. and across just a few square feet of living room is the tiny square room where my tiny baby will sleep in less than three months. it was so nice to be in our own place. even though we don't have all of our things there, and won't until next weekend sometime, i couldn't help but imagine what life will be like there. i imagined us putting up the christmas tree - our second christmas. i imagined watching cowboys games and mavericks games. i imagined praying before dinner. and in all those images, ellie was growing in my tummy still. and then several times i walked back into that little square room and imagined where her crib would go. where my rocking chair would go. where i would be when i picked her up at night and carried her back to our bed to nurse her. i imagined that in my ideal situation i would bring this precious gift home to a house. a house that didn't have marks on the walls where the apartment painters didn't do a good job. a house that had a garage and a backyard, and not the sounds of the neighbors banging around. a house that symbolized i was ready to take care of this child. but then i realized that i can love ellie with all my heart and give her all the things she needs to be safe, warm and full right where i am. i remembered that if i'm a good mother, it'll be because i have God to help me. and He promised to help me. so i think everything will be OK.

i've seen where she'll sleep. the very room where her tiny head will rest and her chest will rise and fall with her tiny baby breaths. the place i'll rock her and sing to her and read to her. i've stood in the place where i'll bring my baby home in less than 90 days. i can't wait to look at her. just to touch her skin will be a glimpse of heaven. more than my belly is bursting, and believe me, it is, my heart is bursting. i love you, elizabeth claire henry. i've seen where you'll sleep.