legacy.

i am realizing that i love all those things my family loves that, when i was a kid, i rolled my eyes over. antiques. early american attic decor. classical music. baseball on a summer night. old hymns. flags flapping. the mystery of growing a lovely garden. i don't just love them like you love a good steak. i love them like my heart aches i love them so much. and i love them even more because the people who share my blood love and loved them before me.

right now, i'm listening to a compilation of mostly instrumental arrangements of traditional christian hymns. the principal instrument is a violin. hearing "be thou my vision" just now brought tears to my eyes in that good, solid, nostalgic way. i am amazed at how deeply entrenched these songs are in my soul. i was hearing these songs and their lyrics for years before i was ever cognizant of their meaning. but the Word of God does not return void, and i know my soul has truly known them longer than have my head and my heart. there can be no other explanation for these feelings that bubble up when my ears hear their melodies.

when i think of my legacy in the Lord, i think of my great-grandpa schnars. he was a minister -- a graduate of Yale divinity school -- for many, many years. he founded mt. lebanon christian church in mt. lebanon, pennsylvania in 1950 and pastored there for 23 years until he retired in 1973. he died when he was 92 and i was 18, and i have memories of being with him. but now, 10 years later, i long to talk to him about his relationship with Jesus. i want to ask him so many questions. i want to hear him preach. i have all his old sermons, and they are like gold to me. i imagine him at his typewriter with his Bible nearby, praying and talking to God about what to share with his flock. oh, what a vision.

as i was thinking about my great-grandpa tonight, i decided to google his church. and do you know what i found? a blog. authored by the current pastor. daily. there are daily devotionals posted on a blog by the pastor of the church that my great-grandpa founded. A BLOG, PEOPLE. FROM MY GREAT-GRANDPA'S CHURCH. i'm sorry, but God could only be cooler if one day i could talk to my great-grandpa schnars again, face-to-face. perhaps about blogs.

oh, wait.

i can.

and i will.

and we won't only talk, but we will stand hand-in-hand and worship in the bodily presence of Jesus.

oh, what a day that will be. a legacy complete. together forever.

a glimpse.

(photo credit)

while watching a film on the life of c.s. lewis and viewing footage of the english countryside:

a student: "this is what i imagine Heaven looks like."

another {in awe}: "yes! only even a million times better."

i cry. and long to visit england.

and, most of all, long to visit Heaven where i shall hug the brilliant, inspired neck of c.s. lewis.

channeling peter pan.

today, after church, while i was waiting in the parking lot for the rest of my party to emerge, i was watching ellie play. i figured there was no reason to buckle her in until everyone else showed up, and it was warm and sunny and downright pleasant outside. 

for awhile, she was doing her version of hopscotch, which involves some pretty hysterical hopping on one foot and a lot of counting. chalk hopscotch board optional, mind you. she was bouncing along when, all of a sudden, she discovered her shadow.

"no! go away shadow!" she shouted, giggling, as she started to run.

heading toward the sun, she thought she'd managed an escape. but a quick stop-and-turn revealed that her shadow still followed.

"no, no, shadow!" she said, sternly, stamping her foot on the ellie-shaped absence of light on the pavement. "leave me alone!"

she started running again until she figured out to huddle on the side of the car with me where her shadow was lost in the shade cast by the vehicle. slowly she crept out, hiding until the last minute in my shadow before flinging her arms out into the sun.

"she found me!" she hollered, giggling and running off into the sunlight once more.

peace filled my heart as i witnessed a scene of such pure childhood innocence, and i wondered if there are shadows in heaven.