resisting the urge to google.

grayson had his two-week checkup today. yeah, he's only 11 days old, but, close enough i guess. he weighs 8 pounds 13 ounces -- that's an 11-ounce gain from last monday when he weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces. hungry boy.

last monday when we were there, we saw the nurse practitioner who spent just a little bit too long listening to gray's heart. she didn't say anything though so i didn't worry about it. today, when the pediatrician listened to his heart for what seemed like an eternity, i did worry. eyes closed in serious concentration, he listened for quite awhile when he put down his stethoscope and left the room, saying, "hold on." um, scary. i prayed a quick and pleading prayer over gray while he was gone. he came back with a smaller stethoscope. "that one was too big for his chest." OK. more listening. finally, after it took everything within me to be quiet until he was done, he told me gray might have a heart murmur.

a heart murmur.

the doctor said it's sometimes hard to distinguish between a heart murmur and the blood moving through the baby's lungs. experience tells him it's probably nothing. but if he could be 100 percent sure, he wouldn't send us for the ekg-whatever test that we're scheduled for on friday.

even if it is a heart murmur, lots of people have those and it's nothing.

but there's that small chance, the one i know about even while resisting the urge to google, that it could be something.

i spent all day at delana's, which helped keep my fingers from typing into the search box and my mind from getting carried away.

i know God is taking care of my baby. even though i hate the appointment card that says, "at the heart center" and "ekg & echo" with my son's name on it, i know everything will be OK.

right?