homesick.

until now, i don't think i've had time to be homesick. things have been a whirlwind of activity with moving followed quickly by the holiday rush. but now, there are no more holidays. now it's...almost january.

and what happens in january?

there are no more christmas trees or picture-window ornament displays. there's no more shopping, wrapping, christmas caroling or holiday partying.

there are no more distractions.

i miss my mommy. and weekly lunches with dad. and scott and laura and kelly and travis. i miss my friends.

oh, i already have new friends. i think i had them before i got here. but it doesn't keep me from missing my old ones. plus the ones here have crazy -- i'm talking cra-zy -- lives. emergency rooms, bed rest, new babies, etc. etc.

i just miss dallas. and people newspapers. yeah. get that...i miss having a JOB!

i think that adds to the sickness. the asu thing is STILL pending. pending a hole right through my heart, let me tell you. i'm still hopeful, but things better get moving. otherwise, i'm gonna go all out nuts. and there's the tiny (OK, bigger than tiny) part of me that is worried i don't have a chance at asu. and then what? i checked the job listings in the standard-times last night. you know one of the openings was? a goat herder. mmm hmm. a freakin goat herder.

the woman who is used to tollroads and skylines and suburbs, updown, downtown, exploding populations and major market media just read a job listing for a goat herder.

and i'm not even qualified!

heaven, help me.

i need someone to pay me to write. pronto.

it's weird how the Lord comforts even while we worry. as many times as He's proved that to me lately, it's still weird. i know i've written before about how He puts songs in my heart for specific reasons. today He has given me "faithful One" from the selah duets album.

"i find no hope within to call my own
for i am frail of heart, my hope is gone
but deep within my soul is rising up a song
here in the comfort of the faithful One."

singing that song doesn't erase my homesickness, but it does give me comfort. i can be alone in the deepest, darkest wilderness, but "deep within my soul" i know He will always be faithful.

it's bittersweet, really.

tonight i cling.