i'm sitting in my cube at 7:15 this morning. i've been here since 6:40.
i have some things to get done, and i'm most focused in the morning (see me? focusing?). so, i'm here.
this morning is bringing out several different emotions in me.
most profound is sadness with a hint of failure. i wanted to be teaching on this day. for most of this summer, i was hopeful that would be the case. but i have no classroom. no students. no teaching job. i do have some supplies for a super awesome bulletin board, white boards shaped like quote bubbles (how awesome for a journalism teacher!?), a hall pass, some reward stickers, birthday certificates and tons of post-it notes for the ever-effective quick write that i wanted to use all the time. sheepishly, i admit to buying those things after a fabulous discovery at the dollar tree, despite the fact that i never even had an interview for a teaching position this year.
i wanted a job so bad.
but this morning i was praying, and the Lord told me that i should not give up. and i choose to believe Him. i believe with each passing day He is preparing me for a classroom. i don't know when He'll let me in on where, exactly, it will be located or how, exactly, i will get there. but i know He's working on it.
i'm taking a crown financial class at the church, and our wonderful teacher, robert, said something that really struck a chord with me in the financial realm, as well as every other realm in which we walk in this life on earth. if we choose not to lean on God, choose not to seek His perfect wisdom and counsel, and we go about attempting to solve our own problems, we are essentially telling Him that His provision is not good enough.
holy smokes. talk about a smack in the face.
my cheek is still red.
but my feelings about this day aren't all bad.
i also started out this morning texting my lovely sister, kylah, with a prayer for her first day. i am rejoicing with you who have classrooms in which to welcome children this morning. they are so blessed. i pray that you are renewed with energy and passion for teaching. i know you know that you may be the only smiling adult face they see all day. talk about responsibility.
i admire all of you deeply.
so here's to the first day of school...it always was a mix of emotions, wasn't it?
some things never change.