this whole teaching job thing - or lack thereof - is not going the way i planned.
unfortunately, i think that's on purpose.
there are three positions i've been eyeing since this process began. two of them were in middle schools in mckinney, but the third was for a print journalism teacher at lovejoy middle school.
it seemed perfect.
they filled it last week. the two mckinney jobs filled as well. i never got a phone call.
i don't know of any more journalism openings within a 100-mile radius.
my natural reaction is to be annoyed. annoyed and discouraged.
"why would you ask me to take this step at this time if nothing was going to happen, God? now i just look stupid. thanks a lot."
of course i got punked from that attitude last night during service.
i was worshipping --
OK, small side story here. i cannot participate in any sort of worship without crying. i'm not talking about just a little welling of tears in the eyes. i'm talking all-out-crying, mascara-running craziness. i enjoy it immensely while i'm in it, but then i have people handing me tissues, patting me on the back and smiling knowingly when it comes time to greet, and i look like a mess. really, people! nothing is wrong!"
-- and God said to me, "the lovejoy idea was yours. you made that plan. it looked right to you, but your plans are not My plans. Mine are beyond anything you could dream up. be patient, my love."
and of course i felt like a jerk for being annoyed with God. um, how many days has it been since He amazed me by coming up with something i never could have imagined? oh, probably three. what a terrible child am i.
please forgive me, Lord, for even a second of doubt. You have never been anything but faithful to me. and thank you. thank you for taking care of me, even when i do not deserve it.
psalm 25: 1-3 says, "to you, o Lord, i lift up my soul; in you i trust, o my God. do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. no one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame..."
isaiah 55:8-9 says, "'for My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'"