i was kissing ellie before i left this morning, and her little forehead was sweeter than any dessert that has ever touched my lips. mondays are hardest because i get spoiled over the weekend by getting to hold her and nurse her whenever i want. i fed her at 7:15, and was leaving around 9:30. she shouldn't have been hungry yet, but i recognized the cries that were starting to escape under the closed bedroom door. i had to hurry to gather my things to leave, or i would've nursed her and ended up late for work. it seems so terrible to hurry away from my baby so i don't have to nurse her and be late when all i really want to do is drop everything to nurse her. like i've said before, everything about being a mom - especially a working mom - is a contradiction.
anyway. it sucked. but i'm glad to know she's at home with her daddy getting my milk. i have to remind myself how lucky i am that she stays with family members.
and i think i jinxed myself by bragging about the sleeping through the night thing for three days in a row. yeah. she hasn't done that once since i bragged. and until the past week or so, when i had to wake up in the night, i've been tired but able to wake up when she's nursing. but lately, i've been literally falling asleep while she nurses. my rocking chair is super straight up so i'll wake myself when my head falls forward or my arms relax and the baby is pulled off of me. this morning i was holding her pacifier, and i woke up when it fell out of my hand. have you ever tried to keep yourself awake when you're desperately tired? it's really quite painful.
i guess nearly three months (more than that counting the last weeks of my pregnancy) without a full night's sleep starts to kick in about now. at least i know she's capable of sleeping through the night. now i'm just praying really hard that she decides to make it a permenant habit.
won't you pray with me?
Aiming for progress, not perfection.
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."