in the wake of tragedy at virginia tech.

have you blog readers out there grown tired of my uncanny ability to connect anything and everything to ellie? well, get ready. i'm fixin to do it again.

i was listening to the radio this morning, and, of course, they were talking about the shootings at virginia tech. the station had one of those sad songs mixed in with words like they do sometimes -- you know, words from students, from president bush, etc., etc. well, this song also had words from random listeners who had called in to say they were praying. there were many heartfelt expressions throughout the song, but the one that hit me the hardest said this:

"i'm holding my baby as i pray. i can't hold her tight enough."

those students who died yesterday morning were once cradled in the arms of their parents. they were gazed upon with hearts filled with pride, love and expectancy. they were extensions of their parents' greatest accomplishments. and now they're gone.

i have extremely vivid daydreams, if you can call them that, in which something horrible happens to ellie. normally they consist of me falling down the stairs while holding her or a car hitting us while we're driving. morbid, i know.

well, yesterday morning i imagined if i were to ever get a phone call like the one the parents of these students received. i could literally feel a desperate scream well up on the inside of me at the very thought.

and though i had to rip my mind away from such a paralyzing thought or risk an emotional breakdown, the lyrics of one particular song tugged at me - "wish you were here" by mark harris.

the words to that song, which i'll include at the end of this post, are so encouraging to me. because, while my heart breaks at the thought of any of my loved ones leaving this earth, it also rejoices to know i will spend eternity with those people. the end here is not the end. it gets so much better than this, and there has never been a more bittersweet reality. lucky for us, the sweet lasts so much longer than the bitter.

I thessalonians 4:13-14: "...we want you to know for sure about those who have died. you have no reason to have sorrow as those who have no hope. we believe that Jesus died and then came to life again. because we believe this, we know that God will bring to life again all those who belong to Jesus."

"wish you were here"

i wanted to tell you how closely i've kept
the memories of you in my heart
and all of the lifetimes that we had to share
live even though we're apart
but don't cry for me
'cause i'm finally free

to run with the angels
on streets made of gold
to listen to stories of saints new and old
to worship our Maker
that's where i'll be
when you finally find me

no don't you be weary cause waiting for you
are wonders that you've never known
just hold on to Jesus, reach out for his hands
and one day they'll welcome you home
and that's when you'll be
finally free
finally free

to run with the angels
on streets made of gold
to listen to stories of saints new and old
to worship our Maker
that's where i'll be
when you finally find me

i wish you were here, i wish you were here

and all of the dreams that you treasure
will soon come together
and that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
and you will rise again
to run with the angels
on streets made of gold
to listen to stories of saints new and old
to worship our Maker
that's where i'll be
when you finally find me

we'll run with the angels on streets made of gold
we'll listen to stories of saints new and old
we'll worship our Maker that's where we'll be
when you finally find me

i wish you were here