a new inspiration.

i'm sitting in ellie's nursery watching her sleep. she's wearing a pink and green sleeper with cows on it. i love how she holds her hands near her face when she sleeps.

i was sitting in church saturday (ellie too), and pastor gerald told a story about his wife, geni, and his oldest daughter, wendi. the sermon was about being wise with your words and the power they hold. the story was about a day when geni was totally worn out by the kids to the point she was feeling ill. she was laying on the couch, and wendi saw how her mommy wasn't feeling good. they lived across the street from a vacant lot at the time, so wendi traipsed over to pick, what she thought, were some flowers to make her mom feel better. when wendi pulled them proudly out from behind her back, geni responded without thinking: "those aren't flowers! those are weeds!"

as gerald said, geni turned wendi's flowers into weeds with just a few words.

as a result of this sermon, specifically, and everything lately, i am constantly pouring over the opportunity landon and i have with this little girl sleeping soundly in front of me right now.

there is an entire life waiting to be filled with experiences, and we have so much to do with how those turn out.

i realize that ellie is free to make her own choices, and so are other people. there are things she will do and things that will happen to her that are beyond our control.

but there are so many things we can do.

because of the chance i have to live a godly example for the most precious child born to this earth, i am inspired anew.

it feels like a chance to start over. past mistakes are unknown to ellie.

of course, i'll make more. millions more. just like geni did when she called wendi's flowers weeds.

but i have the chance to do something great in raising a child of God. is there a more honorable charge?

because of ellie i want to be a better writer. i want to be a better wife. i want to be a better homemaker, driver, friend, singer, daughter, sister, lover, coworker.

most of all, i want to be closer to Jesus because of ellie. i want to fill my heart with Him so those things that overflow and pour into her life are full of His love.

i want to hide the Word in my heart so that when she has troubles, or praises, i have a verse to encourage her. i want to be a wise woman she wants to model her life after.

she's just so beautiful.

i know i've grossly overused that adjective in the two weeks she's been alive, but there's nothing that comes closer to explaining this child with whom we've been so undeservedly blessed.

there are just so many possibilities that lay before her. though i'd like to more than anything, i realize i won't be able to protect her from all the heartache that comes along with all the joy of this life on earth.

all i'm asking is that God will give me what i need to take this inspiration in my heart and use it to help ellie through that heartache and joy to make it to eternity with Him in heaven.

that's all.

help me, Jesus. i humbly bow before You with this child You've give me cradled in my arms. i give her back to You with pleas for Your perfect help in raising her to love You with all her heart.

this is my greatest desire.