mom's getting all squishy.

a lady on the radio was just describing what her daughter says when she gets emotional about things. she says, "mom's getting all squishy." i thought the phrase was appropriate.

i don't know if it's the fact that ellie moves inside me all the time now, or it's going to be cold and super great for cuddling tonight or just the fact that it's christmastime, but i thought that was a good description for me right now.

or...maybe it's just pregnancy hormones.

i like to think it's more than that though.

i like to think that i'm blessed beyond measure, therefore i can't contain the joy that fills my heart. it has to run over in some tangible expression.

delana and kylah are coming this weekend, and just straightening things at the apartment and thinking of what i will cook for them brings tears to my eyes.

kylah is getting married, and thinking of how beautiful she will be and what an honor it is to help her plan has the same effect.

mom came to eat lunch with me at my apartment this afternoon, and just sitting with her while she puts her hand to my belly and says, "kick grammy" to ellie seems like such a gift.

my friends jeanette and amy are throwing me a baby shower on sunday, and there's no way i could tell them how much it means to me.

and landon... i don't even know where to start with landon. i checked our registry (see previous confession) and someone bought us our baby monitor. well, we live in an 860-square foot apartment. there's no way we'd miss the baby crying from our room to hers. we were discussing whether we should return the monitor and use the money for something else when landon said, "but we'll want to hear her breathe."

we'll want to hear her breathe! my handsome, annointed, strong, manly husband knows we'll want to hear our first baby daughter breathe.

i'm going to hear my baby breathe. miracle of miracles.

don't get me wrong... there are things to worry about. dad's looking for a new job, and he may end up even further away which would be terrible. we don't have enough money saved for the time i'm on maternity leave. i owe more in bills in the beginning of december than i have money.

but the baby kicking my ribs right now is a reminder that God works miracles, and it is all in His hands. if He can form a human inside of me, He can do anything. i cling to that knowledge, and i celebrate.

see? i told you. squishy.