there was a beautiful girl, probably 16 or 17 years old, in a tiny bikini that showed off her perfectly tan, perfectly toned body. she was making out and being groped graphically by her equally tan and toned boyfriend. she egged him on by suggestively biting his muscular shoulder while keeping demure eye contact and squealing pleasedly when he swam under the water to grab her heaven-knows-what beneath the surface.
they were there with eight to 10 more boys, obviously athletes. they were all bulky with intense tatoos blazing on their backs with green, mesh prosper high school athletic shorts on.
i sat quietly in the corner of the pool, with my pooching belly and no-so-toned anything else either, drinking my sparkling tangerine flavored water, watching them wrestle and swear heartily, loudly at each other.
and i prayed. eyes closed. hands pressed into my belly.
i prayed my baby wouldn't be like that girl. that she wouldn't be like me. that she wouldn't feel the need to be sexy and available for sex in order to feel worthy of acceptance and love. i prayed landon and i would do the best possible job conveying that her worth far surpasses the affections of football players. i prayed she would save her beauty, seduction and love for the man she'll marry. and i prayed the same for my boys. i prayed they'd know how to respect a girl and love her for more than her flat tummy and her clevage. i prayed my son would be a man of God, realizing the great responsibility he's been charged with to model Christ's love to those around him. in particular, his future wife.
i don't know. maybe i'm just an emotional pregnant girl. maybe i'm just getting old much too fast.
or maybe i should keep praying.
i'll probably err on the safe side.
if you need me, i'll be feverishly praying for all my precious babies.
Lord, please help them save themselves the heartache.
i've been there, and the torn shreds of your heart take so long to patch back together.
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you blow me away sometimes, you really do. i can just see this in my minds eye and i understand your prayers for that little tadpole in there. and i'm with you, praying that you (and one day me) will be able to raise some strong, smart, loving, compassionate people. but somehow, i know we will, no matter how ill-prepared we may feel.
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