Aiming for progress, not perfection.

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

saturday, april 15 - the day my motherhood abilities were proved eternally incompetent.

(here my catch-up blogging continues. the second of several.)

saturday started off just like every third saturday has since we got doc. i woke up at 9:30 in order to make it to the vet just 10 minutes late for the 10 o'clock appointment for the next round of shots.

now, i'd been feeling a pressing guilt at carrying doc in my lap in the car for some time. everything i've read says he needs to ride in the car in his kennel, not even in another seat, and definitely not in my lap. it's common sense. i mean, i don't even want to think of what would happen if i was in an accident and the airbag deployed with him in my lap.

well, despite my pressing guilt, doc rode in my lap on the way to the vet. he's 9.2 pounds now, and the vet visit went well. he has started to recognize the vet, however, and he shakes from the moment we arrive until the moment we leave. he's terrified.

so i'm on my way home, and as i pull into my apartment, landon is pulling out. he rolls down his window and asks if i want to take him somewhere so he doesn't have to take his dad's truck. i say sure. my window is still down, and i'm talking to my mom on the phone. i round the corner to the street in front of my apartment, and i'm probably going 10 or 15 mph at most.

and in the moment in took for me to take a breath to keep yacking to mom, doc slipped under my arm and out the car window WHILE I WAS DRIVING!

what ensued was the most traumatic time of my life to this point.

i froze for a second, i was still on the phone with mom. i could hear him making this terrible, tormented crying and see him in the rearview mirror, moving his head and stumbling backwards unnaturally.

i freaked out and threw the car into park in the middle of the road, crying hysterically. i started to run after him, and he was running sideways, still making that excrutiating noise. oh, and pooping.

then all of a sudden, he took off running normally and went to our apartment building steps. he ran up and sat in front of the door that's in the same place as ours, only on the second floor, not the third. i sat down on the top step and was trying to clear-headedly assess his condition. i started to calm down until he walked toward me. he had a HUGE gash on the top of his head. i lost it again. i thought he'd ripped his ear or something equally tragic. still on the phone with mom during all this.

in the meantime, landon has come up behind me. my car is parked in the middle of the street, and i'm running around the apartment complex after the dog. he said, "what happened?" and i started to tell him only to cry the most violently of all at the recollection of the horror of what'd just happened.

i hung up with mom.

landon walked over and picked up a very calm and collected doc. i was sobbing in his face and landon's, squeaking out, "i'm sorry, baby. i'm so sorry, baby. i'm sorry baby."

upon further investigation, it appeared he just scraped the skin and hair of his head and there is nothing to worry about. just minutes after the accident, he let me clean it and put medicine on it without so much as a peep.

it's hardening into a scab now, and the vet says his hair should grow back just fine.

i am still not over it. i question my caretaking abilities once every minute, at least.

my poor, precious baby doc holiday.

how can i ever make it up to you?

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