for such a time as this.

in a little more than 12 hours, i will start my first day of school. i will officially be a teacher. i have been needing to write about this for weeks, but the words haven't come. until now.

the last couple of weeks of inservice have been exciting, stressful, chaotic, scary, joyful, anticipatory and dozens of other adjectives. i am indescribably anxious for what tomorrow and the days that follow will hold.

several times in the past few days i've had a catch in my spirit as i've looked at ellie or grayson. the stirring has brought to mind that God has a plan. on one hand, the plan is to impact the community by educating and mentoring students -- to be a part of something that may historically mark san angelo for years to come. (oh, i'm so excited to get my figurative hands on those sweetie pie 6th graders! i am down right in love with the few i've already met.) on another hand, the plan is for me to develop into a effective, empathetic teacher, a calling i believe has been on my life since i was a little girl. and on an intimate hand, one deep inside my soul, God's plan is to show me His faithfulness, how He never stops working on my behalf.

i began thinking last night as i was lying in bed that this is something i've been praying for more than a year. it's the "for such a time as this" that i so desperately longed for during my study of esther -- the thing that would change my course.

i posted this on march 17, shortly after i finished studying esther. in the post i say:

"God has been showing off fancy in countless realms of my life in the past
several months, but there is one -- a very troubling, frustrating and scary one
-- that remains unsolved so far. up to this point, i have not heard from Him
regarding it."

the next day, the principal from ballinger -- the one who already knew he'd be moving to tlca -- called to offer me the long-term substitute position. logistically, the offer felt ridiculous, impossible. but the peace in my heart for it was overwhelming. if i has only known everything that would be set into motion to bring me to where i sit right now.

people, i am smack dab -- with all the chaotic, unknown insanity swirling on all sides of me -- in the middle of a miraculous answer to prayer.

how long has He had this plan in mind? since the beginning of time, that's how long. the day the the earth was set into motion, the King of the universe knew His perfect plan for my life. pulling myself out of the immediate and seeing the perfectly timed hand of my Father is going to be key this year. because all the glass cleaner in the world couldn't wash the fingerprints of God off of this chapter in my life.

it isn't going to be easy. i've already encountered several situations that i believe are the enemy's best attempts at scaring me away from "standing out for God in the classroom," as lennon said this morning at the end of worship. anger, fear and insecurity have welled up within me. i refuse to give in.

i am here for such a time as this.

what an honor. i am truly blessed.

praises to my ever-faithful, ever-wise, ever-perfect Father.

happy school year.

pretty eaglet.

ellie lounging at our "meet the eagles: pigskin preview" last week.

my (stinky) pics from yesterday.

these are my two camera phone pics that wouldn't come through last night in time for initial post. they showed up at 3:32 a.m...just 30 minutes before i got up to head back to san angelo from boerne for 8 a.m. work.

delana has great pics from a real camera on her blog. go check them out. she'll be there for two weeks so i'm sure the pictures will continue to flow.

also, it has been confirmed that bundle of joy has been named michael david jules kotze. perfect!

(is anyone else disgusted that the woman can labor for 12 hours, have a drama-filled emergency c-section delivering a 9-pound-plus baby and still have perfect eye liner? she had her dangly earrings on would've worn those through birth except that she ended up in the OR. they wouldn't let her keep them. any time i've given birth, i've looked like death warmed over. and that's generous. some people. geez.)

one-year-olds.

grayson had his 1-year-checkup today. everything looked great though he wasn't too keen on four shots. interestingly, i found the info sheet from the doctor from ellie's 1-year-checkup this afternoon while i was looking for something else. the 1-year info according to their sheets: weight -- ellie, 22 lbs, 10 ozs; grayson, 22 lbs, 7 ozs. height -- ellie, 28.5 inches; grayson 28.5 inches*. head -- ellie, 18 inches; grayson, 19 inches. pretty similar, huh? here they both are at 1-year-old. grayson just a couple weeks ago; ellie in february 2008. do they look alike? my sweet, sweet babies.

*if i texted you earlier that grayson was 30.5 inches today, i lied. i really have no idea why that number was in my head. his sheets says 28.5 inches, and i remember discussing it with the doctor. duh. i blame it on two hours of sleep.

happy BIRTHday, baby kotze!

he's here! he's here! he's here!

my nephew is here!

i can't post long because i have to be up in like, oh, 4 hours to make the drive back to san angelo, but baby boy kotze is here!

after a long labor, kylah tried pushing, and, much to everyone's dismay, the baby's heartrate went into a pattern of dropping too low for comfort. after 12 hours and a few trial pushes, the doctor ordered an emergency c-section.

we were all heartbroken and waited impatiently outside the OR doors (which you aren't technically supposed to do) until kylah's sweet nurse (she cried!) came out to tell us the news.

a 9 pound 1 ounce baby boy!! twenty-one-and-a-half inches long, he came out screaming and crying. they ordered the c-section because of his heartrate, and, after seeing him, the doctor said it would've probably happened even if kylah had tried to push for longer because of how big he was.

i don't have a camera (boo!) and the stupid sprint network won't even send the couple of subpar camera phone photos i have. but take it from me...he is GORGEOUS perfection! he looks like michael with broad shoulders and big hands and feet like the henry side. because of all the drama, i didn't get to hold him for more than a few minutes and only saw him for 20 minutes tops.

but soon, baby boy! soon you will come home to your beautiful new house with your wonderful parents, and i will come visit again. and for the rest of my life, i will cherish you. you, who made me an aunt and you, who made my best friend a mother. i love you a million times a million!

(p.s. i THINK his name is michael...but nothing is set in stone!)

happy birthday to mommy!

happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday, dear mommy! happy birthday to you!

mom, i love you so much, and i wish i could have been with you today. i hope you quit working so hard and get to enjoy a birthday celebration at some point. i miss you mucho! love, sarah

mom behind the lens.

my mom and gramma, among other family members, came to town for grayson's birthday bash. on sunday, we tried to visit the chicken farm art center; my gramma has a friend who has some artwork featured in the gecko gallery there. unbeknownst to us, the chicken farm is closed on sundays. (this after we'd already tried to go to eggemeyer's which is ALSO closed on sunday. boo.) we wandered around anyway and imagined how cool the place must be when it's actually open. we found a couple of artists working, and they were kind enough to talk to us. we also found lots of cool places to take pictures. mom took this one of gray. i...LOVE...it. we have plans to go back when we can check the whole place out. i'm sure more pictures will be in order then.

mom also took this picture during the party saturday -- a rare shot of me and a kid that i haven't taken myself.

a gift.

i went outside this morning to check my mail and found a mysterious gift on my front porch. a vintage-looking box sat next to my doormat with a white envelope addressed to "sarah" on top.

pleased with the surprise, i went to lift the box and found it heavy. i tore open the envelope and found a pretty card with a sweet note inside. strangely, it was anonymously signed, "a friend." i opened the box and found a wonderful vintage typewriter -- the second in what now qualifies as my collection!

i absolutely love it. i have been guessing all day about who it could be from, but have not figured it out for sure.

do you recognize this handwriting?? will the gift giver ever reveal herself???

thank you, whoever you are, for such a thoughtful gift. it brightened my day so very much.

birthday party slideshow.

(updated to add...the video!!)

family party & the orange cupcake.

(there is a video that goes with this that is taking FOR-E-VER to upload. it'll have to wait.)

birthday boy in daddy's hat.

grayson loves to put on his daddy's hats. he will not leave a hat on when anyone else puts it on. he's the only one allowed. hello, cuteness!!

big birthday boy.

dirty tops of feet and red knees.
you hold a toy football between five clenched teeth.
you drink sippy cups of cow's milk and steal a comfort nurse.

seashell ears and butterfly lashes.
you invade cupboards of dessert dishes and ramekins.
you gives kisses and pinches, pull up and ride in big carseats.

squishy legs and lake blue eyes.
you wake up early ready to eat and dance and giggle through life.
you lend perspective, hope and purpose.

you are one.

popsicles in the pool.

cell phone photos from last week. i promise i'm trying to remedy the camera situation. we now have a computer situation along with the camera situation. boo.